i can't stand my husband's family
I Can't Stand My Husband's Family (5 Sensible Ways) - AskApril3 Tips for How to Deal When You Can't Keep Your Internal Law I know what it's like to have tough laws. Over the years I have learned strategies to facilitate things. Your underpants make you want to hit your head against a wall? Don't you like your domestic law? If you can't stand your undersigns, spending time with them is probably the last thing you want to do, and sometimes it's inevitable. Maybe your spouse is very, very close to your family, and it's just you who seems to have the problem. Or maybe your in-laws are really horrible people, and both you and your spouse would prefer to have root canals without anesthesia that sit in the same room with them for more than five minutes. I'm going to assume, for the sake of this article, that you've given yourself enough time to honestly know your in-laws. You have given them a wide opportunity to prove that you are wrong, and yet they prove, over and over again, that they will never change.3 Ways to keep your coolFirst of all, even if you have the only grandchildren in the family, there is no law that says you have to like your spouse's parents. However, for the sake of your marriage, at least you need to be educated with them. This can be difficult if you live near and want to see both of you regularly. However, there are some strategies that can be used to make these encounters more bearable.1. Caught you with useful choirs This strategy works well if you're going to go home to your undersigns. Instead of suffering through the visit, find a project to do around the house that will help them. Offer to clean the guts, cut the lawn, or wash the garden. Most likely not only leave you alone with your onerous task, for God will not ask you to take possession, they will even think better of you for your labors in his name.2. Finding a Family Activity Think about a family activity that will involve everyone and distract their own. My mother recently visited, and as neither my husband, Alex, nor I like much, especially because of her constant flow of advice and/or cutting remarks, I offered to go and watch the movie Harry Potter and the Phoenix Order with her. She and I are Harry Potter fanatics, but neither my father nor Alex are, so this was the only way my mother or I was gonna watch the movie. Three hours of time together with my mother who excluded talking! You don't earn more than that.3. Keep Mom (but come later)If your spouse is very close to your family, and you simply can't stand them, you might want to seriously consider keeping most of your opinion to yourself, for the sake of your relationship. Make sure your partner knows how you feel and then drop it. If your parents live nearby and you can't always complete the visit with tasks or distract family activities, stay well. In fact, if your in-laws know what you feel about them, and they probably do, they'll really piss them off if you're acting more civilized and educated than they are! Besides, your spouse will love you for it. Take what you wake up during the visit, but wait until you get home (or until you go home). And your ventilation doesn't need to be verbal. In fact, it's probably more effective if it's not. Do a lot of bread and pretend that the dough you're burning is the head of your father-in-law. Get out of the herbal cheek and project your mother-in-law's face over every herb you cut. For Better or for Worse Unfortunately, when you marry your partner, you get married to your entire family, for better or worse. This fact really prevented me from acting in my true feelings for Alex for years, as the idea of becoming his mother's daughter-in-law was more than a bit romantically prohibitive! She is a formidable and reflective woman born and raised in Germany during World War II, and does not suffer with idiotic grace. However, over time, I began to see that the fact that I really love your son (the last of his seven sons to marry), earned me much esteem in his eyes. And when I produced a daughter who is the spitted image of her Oma and then I started occasionally asking for advice to my mother-in-law, well, let's say at this time I'm on her "favored" list in-laws. I may not like the woman very much, but I like to be on her good side! 2007 RhomyllyCommentsmem on January 30, 2020: I cannot sneeze my s-i-l (husband's sister). She's so disrespectful with me and my relationship with her brother. She manipulates him with gifts and financial help - I've told him many times not to go to her for $ or even to let him know about any financial problems we have!!!! He moved next to us and invaded my friendships, my church and especially my relationship. We have had several arguments and have made a conscious decision not to have anything to do with it (she lives next door). I ignore her as much as I can, she's a bully and narcissist. I pray all the time for God to move us or she, she makes me sick. mh on January 17, 2020: Why would I want to do anything to help you are literally trash. So I should get them out to improve the environment like heckGeorgia on May 27, 2019: Hello, everyone, what advice can someone give me? I really like this Iam Man quote. His mother got angry because she can't control me. He has very bad control problems. Do I stay away from your ?k s on May 24, 2019: No matter the problems or the side you come from this truth cannot escape. You can only give the courage of love and respect to the others you have for yourself. That is the starting point and when real resolutions can begin! PR on April 21, 2019:1. My husband and his parents rushed to get married because they wanted to take a loan for their parents' house and their brother at the law house. They knew I was coming from a decently well family and I was winning well. My husband hid this fact up to a month before the wedding discussed.2. I was studying at a ivory college and cudnt to pay for an elegant wedding immediately afterwards. My fuance assured me that he paid or we did it 50-50 but instead they asked him the money he had saved for our wedding as a payment for his house! This was still good, but on top of that, my horrible little one wanted my father to pay for the elegant wedding. My husband said nothing. I set foot and had a horrible marriage in court.3. I know that my husband comes from a sexist society and we had discussed it before marriage and assured me that he or his family was not like that, but if they were extremely sexist and worse they believed that the wife's family is a tool to be used by their means. His family was so jealous of us. He constantly brainwashed my husband not to treat his wife's family or wife with respect. They told him that he shud made his dirt sleep on the ground and did not leave a room for him and my husband told me this.3. My husband acts all sincere but always has a hidden agenda and they cheat me over and over. I lost my father to cancer in all his family's pressure after marriage. I lost everything because I trusted my husband's counsel and judgment.4. I became unsure about my finances because your family always sticks to us, and we need it more. So after three years of marriage he told my husband to pay the rent he was making from my salary all the time. I decided this would fix my marriage, but this is just a bandage on a deep gash and it didn't fix anything. There's constantly trying to manipulate him or tell him to stop spending on his wife real men don't do that. I must always be alert about your next plan.4. Your father died shortly after my father was diagnosed with cancer. He returned to the U.S. with his mother while I stayed with my father for treatment. I moved back to visti he and his mother in the U.S. to repent and repent of it because she was so bad with me. I hated my husband buying me clothes. She commented on how she handled the house while she was going to work full-time. I cooked clean and gave up our master bedroom to stay because she thought it was lovely and like the mother boys she has the right to do it. I was fine with that and I wanted him to feel better. I planned to stay for a few months and then I quit my job to take care of my father but I had other plans. their plans were to get us to pay for the payment of their eldest son (a typical leech) at the house4. I'm sick of my husband and law and I'm sorry to spend 6 years away from my family and lose my father. My husband and my husband even stopped me with words and manipulations.. (You have no idea how cloudy the mind is wet depressed and seek support from those who believe they love or) to move to my home, Dad wen was dying of cancer and Mom and if they needed help. I stayed because I had to keep my job to pay more treatment even to that I had saved and my mild one told me that his son didn't think the marriage worked if we were separated for a long time. I had a few months left with my father and I lost him to these horrible monsters and wanted money to buy a house for the bil and his wife and two kids.6.After Dad died I planned to move my mother and sister to the USA so they would mock a change of scenery but my little one stayed with my husband and refused to leave until a few days before my office family ended. After that my husband told me that my mother and my sister came to be stained a separate house because the apartment types complained of noise that so many ppl stay?!!! Apparently they complained that my sister's family and my sister's family were over. I asked him if he would do the same if his family came and said no. I never had the courage to call my mother and my sister because I felt that my husband would throw them out and constantly travel abroad and use every party I can see instead. 6. Now I plan to be back with mom and sister and live happy forever. I hate to live a married couple in jail, but I always have to look at my back with my husband and his horrible family. They say something else. Doing something else has some hidden plan I'm not going to see coming. I'm tired of this. 7. I plan to get every penny my husband owes me while I'm in marriage and leave it at the time I'm totally independent in my own country with a job and a house. teo can play this sweet talk game and hidden agenda game.. after wat did nothing seems enuf money for the time I lost Daisy on April 19, 2019: If you want your marriage to last, don't let your father-in-law move with you! Cindykins on April 2, 2019: My mother-in-law is a really horrible person. I was young when I married and tried hard for her approval. After getting married, his friends tied up with my husband and me. One told us he was a narcissist. Another one that we must move as far as possible. He's told me terrible things over the years. My MIL has never worked and always wanted to be careful. Your husband is not well, and when we discovered him 10 years ago, we asked him to work and discuss his retirement plan. His plan was to work until (my FIL) dies :/ My FIL is a charming man. Now, he's sicker and they need money. I work very hard and I have always overcome my husband and I have supported him while building his own business. To find out we'll have to help support their parents is a bitter pill to swallow. We've fought for it and we can't see eye to eye. I love my husband, but not his mother. How can I support these women financially when she's been lazy, entitled and so mean to me? I'm more than anxious and depressed. Alan on April 01, 2019: Believe me, I know that the in-laws can be a pain, insulting, rude, and simply an idiot. Maybe if you look very carefully, you can find things that really make them feel uncomfortable... like a dirty dog, licking or something. If you fill your time of visit with things that are irritating you will be less likely to want to visit. Fill every visit with a depressing and negative conversation that makes me want to avoid people all the time. Michelechristine on March 21, 2019: I've been married for 30 years and the first time I met my MIL I heard her tell her mother that she didn't like it because she wasn't Catholic and she didn't have a college degree, she was also married and had a 2-year-old son. I used to go to IL's vacation home and some birthdays but I stopped and during these visits I was ignored by the whole family including my husband for hours every visit and would listen to smart comments about me or my children who hate to go there but if we didn't, my husband would be very angry. My husband and I separated, I left him, and only God knows why he said to them. I left for his temper and verbal abuse. I tried again when I came back to him to be involved with his family and it was worse! Your brother has almost met me on purpose at his sister wedding and I have even invited ALL of you after this to my husband 50th birthday and your mother entered my house and her family didn't speak to me at all, at my house. I said I'm done. Now the cousins marry two weddings this summer and I know they only invited me from the obligation and I don't want to go. I don't understand why my husband allows his family to treat me this way and wants to keep going to events even without me. I'm beyond hurt and you know this even though you call me a liar when I tell you what I heard at the dinner table of 21 and other events. What's my role as a wife? And what is the role of my husbands in this and should I attend these weddings? Should I? One more thing my son who adopted at 3 years is not invited because he has a past and are so critical. I'm more than angry with the IL and my husband. Please! I want to do the right thing, but I also think my husband does it. Thank you. Chris on July 20, 2018: The best thing to do is wait for the assholes to die young and avoid them at every opportunity. Sam on March 26, 2018: When I met my husband, I was going to be part of the family when we got married. I was very wrong. I guess I acted like a "Miss Know it All" I sometimes act like that. But apart from being a good person. Well, I guess they felt like second-class citizens. It wasn't enough to destroy love in a family. They got jealous. I didn't think so. But it made them think I was better than them. That cemented the extreme contempt for me. So some followed this Shunning form. Others were neutral. They wanted to be exempted by both sides. Of course they never told me why until my sister-in-law gave me an example. Then I put it together for what. I'm happy now. But rejecting someone is so disrespectful, and other family members follow this thought or do not get involved. Acting as a clique of friends a person is the pure bullying. They can't suffer in this life, but they will surely do it in the next! Pray for themOkie on March 20, 2015: My common laws are southern people who have never experienced anything, but our relationship began well, but then they came out. My girl has two gay brothers, a brother who stays in jail and then many more of those who seem to be still children. I'm from Chicago and I don't like the South. Since I've been here, everyone tells me how arrogant the people of the North act. As for this family, they're all very noisy. She loves them and I like that about her, but she's not allowed to be an individual. Everyone stays in each other's business. Once he lied to me to get her and her family to the Virgin Islands. I had no problem letting her go alone with her family. But he kept pushing. I didn't want to go because we just bought a house and moved right over that idea. My father died and didn't see a reason to go to his funeral with me, but when it comes to going to places with his family then I should leave everything and do it. We've been together for almost eight years and I've been at almost every family event every year, she hasn't come to visit my family yet without complaining. Once her mother was caught south of the house talking about one of her brother's wives, this is a common practice in her family; no one told her mother anything. Now if that wife had been caught doing the same thing then it would have been a problem. One of his brothers once told me, "If the mother doesn't like someone then they're out of the family." What's this South Mafia? I'm an adult, my mother doesn't have to like someone I'm dating. They say they're nice people, but all they do is talk about the others and their finances, how much the other is doing wrong and then wants to meet and smile. They are a narrow family that has a hug elephant in the room every time they meet. I want to avoid them all together, but it forces me to surround them. They stay in every body business. I love my family, but I love my privacy. I'm a retired Marine and she's my caretaker. She orders my medicine and does some other things, she told her monstrous family this without telling them the details. She just told them she was my caretaker, how that sounds. Is this position paid, one of his relatives once asked if he was still paid? How about if he doesn't tell anyone out of business, he told me he wanted to tell his family everything? He once lied to me about something because his brother told him to lie to me. Finally, your family speaks of all the flaws of the family. I asked him if he ever considered the common denominator, being his family. I love my family, we have a lot of family meetings every year, but we don't stay in each other's business at that level. My family has tried to cross my borders, but as an adult I take them back through the line. drowninginnegativity on September 23, 2014: I've been married a little over 6 months now, I quit my job, family and friends to move into my husband's country. When I got here, we had to live with his mother. His place was destroyed by a tree falling over it during a storm so he moved in with it before I got there. Well, I guess we're still here. His mother is a bug in front, narcissistic, weird manipulator. She's always trying to play against each other the only problem is that my husband is a mother's boy (something that hid me very well until I came to see him firsthand). Not only does your taxes but controls your bank accounts, every week asks you for several blank checks that I asked you out of curiosity that you said you did not know that you only need them. Open your mail and hide it all from bank statements to the trash and then produce it on later dates like "oh your car tags should go and search them I have had this letter for years now." She's recently been looking for a new job that pretends to be her wife to get more information from recruiters by calling, tells them she's no longer looking for if she doesn't like the sound of a job and even rejected some jobs on her behalf because it would mean moving... as I'm home I see this but she doesn't believe me, she's lying saying that nobody called so she wonders why she's never called after the interview. I caught her listening to her calls several times, actually in her hands and knees listening to the door. When he has an interview for a job he really wants her to go through the race until the bad mouth of the company and talk about him out of it especially if it means we move out. The night before the interviews usually happens trying to get him off and tell him he doesn't have a chance anyway. She interferes with everything, if I say "if you want the work to take it after all you are the one who will work it out" she finds a way to create so much negativity that he ends up no longer wanting the work and enumerates the reasons why as the words that she was springing in it. She insists on reading about her applications, even threatened to write to companies that felt that she was not well for work because no one is better than her child and should employ it on others ( ironic than if she refuses to fight the company however, she spends days before hand telling her not to go to the interview). She controls what and when she eats... eggs loaded three days in advance for her lunch because her wife obviously isn't capable... you know why someone who made her life in her own country as a chef can't boil eggs or cook anything for that matter. I cooked dinner (for her too I never leave her out) last Friday while she was out all day ate a small bite then said she was a little too heavy for her that she could not eat, that would make her sick. The next day she made dinner at 8:00 a.m. to "stop having ideas about cooking again," just as she was out at lunch my husband and I ate the leftovers of my dinner. He got angry because we didn't save her (even though she had lunch outside) I can't win. If we go out and are at home, he calls us to go back to the house for lunch he has already made (usually a sandwich) if we don't behave as if we shit at the table and told him that his food is garbage to be just 3-day eggs, all cooked in can tomatoes, paste on cooked days and premade before he sweats in the fridge before being baked to Luke, We've been out for dinner three times the night we got married and twice more because I insisted we ate while we didn't cut the night to come back and eat on demand. Going out to dinner causes so much tension, inviting her to join us only invokes the "but I will always cook I am cooking it I will not go out cooking that we will all stay in ".if we venture my husband seems to rush us to take us home at 9pm in case his mother gets mad.. I'm 36 years old. I haven't had a curfew since I was 14. She has to know where we are, what we're doing every minute of the day if she comes out she asks us if we ate what she'd done before or to see if we left the house... she's driving me crazy but my husband feels like it because she never gets up before her if she says that we stay in the house then we stay in the house, whether we have plans or not. She has "secret" talks to him about me that she doesn't realize that I can't hear my husband when instead of standing up for me he agrees with what she says then does things to join the whore.. Her excuse is good that you know that I'm not serious and keeps her happy. I'm the stranger as they often remind me that I don't know what's going on, mainly because he hides things and then tells him not to tell me or not... I have no idea what it is or not, but he keeps it fit. When my husband goes to work she makes her breakfast, makes her a full lunch, gives her a wave at the door, insists that she sends her at lunch .. She really sleeps on the couches so she's the first one down and has the cereal etc on the table ready just in case God doesn't want me to take it to my head to do it, she makes her lunch in the middle of the night and has days ready to stop me getting ideas over my station. When he comes home he greets him at the door, I mean that she ambushed him in the garage to have a long hour bitch near me or to tell him things that I am not allowed to hear that 9 times out of 10 is something as dumb as she bought her favorite ice cream or something she read in the paper. She is a conspiracy nut all the bad that happens in the world is the fault of a guy (some old friend) and by hook or bull will prove it that implies constant letters to the congress, fbi, cia etc his clumsy and comes as obsessive and crazy especially when he is followed "you don't know what's going on in his secret but I will tell you and when I do it, you can always refer to it. I'm lazy I never do anything ( obviously fairies come and do all the cleaning, dishes, patio work and clothes etc.) not that I would know how to do it anyway what with me not being very intelligent.. if I do a weed you can guarantee when you tell my husband later was a prize plant that will never be replaced. The sad thing now is that my husband is beginning to behave the same way towards me.. I never do or say something right, I'm always in the wrong, if I leave something accidentally I threw it, if I close a door I hit it, if I don't close it I should have, if they ask me for an opinion and I give him that I'm shouted, if he has a conversation with his mother like she turned I can't win. Both make me feel like His mother is his wife and certainly gives the impression that she thinks she is and I am the third wheel without the right to intrude. If I speak, I'm a bitch if I don't say anything, I'm a rude ignorant bitch. I'm starting to wish I'd never met him, he was so different when he lived alone even telling me that a marriage is between two people, you and the person you married and that's what I think this marriage is also between him and his mother while I'm the person who dragged into it to keep up appearance. I spend my days in close silence so I can't be accused of saying this or that, I propose to you around so that you don't bother or offend any of them and everyone with a smile on my face being educated to avoid being called swollen, miserable and unpleasant. I have no idea what to do beyond packing my things admit defeat and I'm leaving, but as I'm still waiting on a green card I can't do that so I'm stuck for now. Alicia G on November 16, 2012: I honestly don't know why I can't stand my mother-in-law. I think what I hate is what he calls me and presents me to people as his "daughter." I don't like what she calls me a girl, and she talks to me like she's 4. He says things like "remember if you need anything you need to let Mom know" and "you'll have what you want for Christmas if you're a good girl." I hate it so much! It's very pretentious. She's got all these stupid things she's planning for the holidays, and everyone has to go along with what she's planning. She's so dramatic and very emotional too. And talk too much. I hate it when you talk. I know others have real problems and this is not a tragedy, but I can't stand it. He also treats her and still sees her as a child. She constantly gives unsolicited advice. She's also very generous and I know this should be a good thing, but the way she does it makes me feel that my husband and I are incapable of taking care of each other. She constantly gives us and offers to give us money when we want to go out and eat. She does this because she wants us, especially her son, to depend on her. I appreciate the help and everything but I am an independent woman and has always been able to provide for myself and this kind of behavior is driving me crazy. I try to get along with her and possibly like her and even love her, but every time she opens her mouth, I hate her again. 36 years on 21 October 2012: I have almost been on both sides of the fence as MIL myself (almost) & DIL. I can tell you this... being a DIL is much more than being a MIL. For the life of me, I will never understand why my in-laws are and were of such SOB. I almost 'handed' for your son. But I wanted to control our lives (eliminate the competition - my parents' brothers - completely, if possible). He never met such bad, rotten, selfish people. The universe revolved around them. MIL has referred to her as 'the queen' - believe it or not! He wants to control lives through generations. I can't wait for her to 'fish the cube'.36 years on October 21, 2012: 36 years of hell have passed. Very controlling dysfunctional family with huge egos. MIL has always been insulting. Very strange family abnormally interested in photos that used to be taken during family dinners. MIL very narsacistic, his subtly nasty brothers over the years. Many 'students' threw. Considered divorce many times but I never thought I could do it on my own with very young children. The husband has become more supportive over the years, but viudo MIL worse than ever. Fear that in your husband's retirement, the suegros try to sleep in a new home for periods of time. I can't stand them for five minutes. If that were the case, I'd probably leave the house. You want to relocate and change the environment, but you don't want the people to stay at home with us. Rachael on June 6, 2012: My laws used to be very involved in the lives of our daughters... until... the baby girl SIL moved back to the city in a home that her parents "helmed" her purchase. They left my children like hot stones. All her time she spent helping the girl raise her family, clean her house, buy groceries, cook dinner, act a taxi for all the sporting events (which also paid). I swear he can't use the cane without Mom and Dad buying the paper and holding his hand for suppot. My kids lost their grandparents. The FIL has always been a warm anger directed verbally abusive to many. Well, the girl has a divorce, bankruptcy files and counterfeitings in her house and had her car rested. Mommy and Dad sell their house, take out the stock loan and buy 2 houses... In my NEIGHBORHOOD!!!! then the sil cractic marries a crepo a few weeks after meeting him at a dating site. He made some uncomfortable comments about my daughter and dragged my husband when he helped with a light replacement. Suddenly creepy boy is really comfortable with full body contact. My husband... not so much. We couldn't get the underpants to help us get a wounded child to the ERs... no, we're heading to the movies but keep us informed. FIL put my daughter up for Dad/daughter's dance. She fell asleep on the couch with a new dress waiting for her knock at the door. They've never recognized our youngest autistic child. It doesn't exist. We've known for years that they don't want anything with our kids. Well, that's your decision. So someone decides we need to fix things... dissolved in a fIL screaming game and tuning it in. All right. I went out and never looked back. We put or house on the marker. The house was sold in 3 days. We live now where we have enough distance to never meet again... never come back! Much happier away from all his drama. Although... we still have collection agencies looking for my crazy account without paying sil. She still loves my husband, but not her family. I'll never let them hurt me or my children again. Pumpkin1983 on May 22, 2012:I have the worst story. I don't even know where to start. Now after five years, I don't think you have to deal with your inlaws. My inlaws are terrible and cut. My MIL is so controlling and manipulating that it doesn't make sense. It has to be the biggest monster of control I've ever known in my life and it always has something to say about everything. The worst thing for me is that she's a hypocrite. She claims to be such a divine woman, but she's the coolest person I've ever met. My husband is the rope in a tugawar game with his mother (SHE ES WINNING). This year I couldn't stand it anymore so I left and took the kids and moved back to my mom because I was so depressed. Marriage is hard enough with all the extra drama of families. My family has always stayed out of our business and respected our marriage. His family on the other hand always has an opinion and makes me crazy. The most important problem was that I found out that my husband slept with a 15-year-old girl when I was 25... But I hope she's my new SIL (considered on her brother). I didn't even know they used to be together and much less that she was a crazy high school girl for the time. So I was reluctant to leave my husband then because I think he's so unpleasant and I don't see what a 25-year-old man with a 4-year-old son and 2 ex-wifess has in common with a 15-year-old girl and still until today 3 years after I know that I can't make sense of it. But anyway to continue the story that I was crying to the MIL and told me to let her go and not say anything about it... I guess I was embarrassed, but we're not really gonna treat this as a family. So, we never treated him and things just went on and I stayed with my husband but it caused us to have problems of trust, communication problems and intimacy problems... all our problems multiplied by 1000... We never went to therapy. My MIL wants us at home for Sunday dinner every day of the sun and I don't get along with any of them mainly because of this situation. My husband has an attachment to his family. I have asked you to move from the discovery of the subject described above and will not move. Every Sunday I see her I have to look at her and think she slept with my husband and now she's married to her brother and my husband slept with her when she was a child in my mind. That thought crosses my mind every time I see it or think of it and I have tried to overcome this problem but I think it will be impossible without advice. The family didn't support me and what was going on, but I supported it and I stayed to deal with it alone, but then they got angry because I told my friends. In my mind I was like good they didn't want to deal with it so I'm dealing with it the best way I know how and need to ventilate. But anyway, moving to my husband is also an asshole to me and he doesn't love me the way I should so I left for 6 months and now I'm back and I don't know how to start over with a clean slate if the problems are still there. I want to work my marriage and we also have 4 children together... What to do... I'm so tired of the same dumb thing and I have about 20 more stories to add to this... My husband wants me to work with his family, but I don't think relationships are salvageable, I think I need to worry about my husband and my children and let them go on Sundays so they can see the grandchildren and do it. I honestly have no desire to heal these relationships because for me the hardest part has been that they were not humble enough to say they were wrong because the pendulum swings both paths safely and they all had a piece of this mess cake. They're the kind of blaming everyone else for their family problems. FYI problems existed inside before I was a party. Turns out they're coming out now and I'm not going to accept this. HELPFedUP2012 on May 16, 2012: After reading all these posts, I can really feel the frustration that comes from trying to relate to people and families that are so contextually different than yours. It's hard at the best of times to really understand someone's point of view from their perspective, but to read that a comment where someone suggested that we grow some balls or it's our fault that we marry families that are causing us so much pain, is completely ignorant and totally arrogant, if not grossly pretentious. I, for example, thought I'd marry the most charming decent family. When I started dating my husband, I thought his parents were really in love with each other, and they all seemed to project the morals and good values that I thought would be essential to raising a family. After eight years of marriage, however, I learned that my husband's parents were lying, not only for me and his 3 children, but for all his community and extended family, since my father-in-law had committed a terrible and unforgivable act that was willing to cover for decades, and this coverage was supported by his wife and family. When I heard about this, I was surprised and embarrassed and I really wanted to take my two children away from this disgusting situation and divorce my husband. But my husband wasn't involved. He was as shocked and upset as I was to learn about what his father did, and how his mother went with him for so many years. He broke his heart, and since he learned of this, he has cut all ties with his father on his own. I love my husband, and I have built a life with him--how do you punish him for having parents who lied and continued to project a morally decent Christian lifestyle to all who surround them, when in fact they had no idea what it really was? So, for the ignorant asshole who suggested marrying hard families is completely our own fault- I suggest you take a lesson in relational empathy, and learn that not all situations are so cut and dry. You tell us to grow balls? I'm telling you to grow some brains.snowangel442 on 13 May 2012: Help! Am I being selfish? my mother in the law moves to a retirement/incansable house " we're cleaning her stuff - she has some things (pictures " broken " not that nice cup " plate, old laundry " basin etc...) that belonged to her mother " He is slowly decorating my house with his things (plants, etc., made me put a blow framed photo of the supposed (no one knows who is in the picture) old family house (I don't want). I'm afraid to hurt my husband's feelings, but he's not going with what I want my house to look at. I don't want my mother (can't stand her) to decorate my house. What do I do? Terrencia on May 12, 2012:I loved a boy and have been doing a long-distance relationship for a year and told him to let him commit this summer. He told me not for his parents. His parents are collecting everything. He wants me to see him for 2 months in the summer and make me wait another year to convince his parents that it's me. He's been convincing them for a year and he needs another year. I told him that if he's a man he'll get up and tell them that I love her and he got engaged this summer but he wasn't man enough and her parents have problems. :( I thought I really loved it. I guess not. heno-jade on May 11, 2012: OMG! It's amazing to see that I'm not the only one with this problem! Oh, my God! My in-laws are... I can't even say it! And the worst thing is, it's not just 1 or 2 people... They're all! His mother is worse than the woman in the movie "monster in the law" I know this sounds so rude, but I can't even stand looking at the hen without getting angry or irritating. His father passed... Agent 007... He even took pictures! You seriously believe you can do and say what you want! And a real sexist! He comes home, gets a beer and sits without offering to help with nothing "because it's a woman's job" what the hell man? Her sister, she's trying to break us! He keeps calling his ex-girlfriend to interfere for who knows what reason... As time passed, my family, our friends began to think that she wanted to be more than her sister... He's not gonna say what he would do... Or he did... ♪ Only I don't have parents anymore... But I love him so much! annie on May 10, 2012:READ THIS:I'm also going through the same problem, just something is that we're not married yet, but going there, my bf and I have known each other for over a decade and we've been dating for more than 5 years (this is 15yrs +++). His sister loved me when I didn't date her brother yet. At first, I thought maybe it was in the blame, but apparently, after talking to ALL her sisters-in-law, 4, we all went through hell with her. My friends will call me crazy because the rumors that tell people! one even said, she was close to hitting her in the eye! Seriously, I wasn't even joking, this is a 35-year-old woman, and I've never been with her that she didn't say anything negative about her common friend and even my boss, she has something to say about MY boss!! She even went to tell her ex's sister who has a son to abuse her daughter when she's with us! The good thing, the father knew better than to trust her. I've talked to more than 5 people, and everyone thought they were friends with her too, just to find out, they were all victims of their malicious rumors. backstabber, yes! The only people she's friends with are those who aren't near the family, so they don't know they're being stabbed, I know for sure, because she used to tell me all these nasty things about her own friends, I never opened my mouth. I admit it, I came to the point where I was being hated, I have hung my anger for it and I have diverted it to my bf! has ceased my relationship with my bf and the rest of the family. He's the love of my life and I want to keep him out to be with him but don't miss it. That he said, and my reason to publish it, is 3 weeks ago, I came to make simple solutions/LOGIC however (I was surprised) it took me these years to finally reach terms with myself and my anger. from one angry woman to another (expectedly angry soon). one step at a time.1. Just hang up with all the shit when you really think your husband/bf has his back. 2. When you have become self-destructive (what I have been) because of your deep corazoned by it, DO BIKRAM YOGA. He has/and is helping me to go through difficult days, my brain shuts off for 2 hours, to refocus on myself and love myself through all of this, there were days when I thought he was the bad person. My yogi will always say "all your problems will wait for you outside, this is your time to turn it off."3. The more you love your husband/bf and the more you go well, the more he will hate you, and there is nothing you can do about it, the only thing you can control is how you react. It will be a win-win situation. Talk to you when you're consumed, repeat a mantra, remember yourself, it's not that easy but worth it, ignore it, that is,.4. Do it all the time that you are MAD: you force yourself to smile, scientific research confirms, our brains are still so stupid you need to get the affirmation of the rest of our muscles how to react. force yourself to dump your child, secrete happy cells to your brain, so gain your mind on matter even if your heart is hitting 50 mph!:) Good luck to all those who wrote here, we are all in love, and that's why alone, we must not let them ruin what we most appreciate. Anonymous on May 6, 2012:Wow,After reading all these posts I have to admit that while I cannot stand my father in the law, the relationship we have is not so bad compared to others. The real major problem that seems to have descended to religion. My mild is Christian, but everyone is Jewish. I'm trying to raise my Jewish children, but my dirt is a Jew who hates himself, and makes terrible comments about the fact that I don't want my children to celebrate Christmas or Easter. It's not our vacation. For the sake of the family I will go to visit these special days for them, because I respect them, but do not try to undermine the teachings I am providing for my family, that my filth makes (that reminds you that it is the Jew). The way I see it, if I can increase the strength to visit them on "your" vacation, it would seem that a little reciprocity would be in order, but no. There is always a "problem." 1) no one to see the dog 2) the car needs work 3) is such a long journey (1.5 hrs) and your home is not clean enough for us to stay. We're going to their house a lot more often than they come here. I prefer this because I can leave when things get too hot, if they're with us, I can't stop refrescaring. The only problem is that your home is not child-proof and angry when my children act as children. It's 5 and 3! No adults! And no, I won't lock them in a playpen for two reasons. 1) they're too big. 2) I do not believe in it. Children need to explore their surroundings. My dirt and I have reached a mutual agreement of silence. We left ourselves. I'm not sure if this is healthy, but that's what I have to do right now. My children love my inleys, as they should, as they are their grandparents, so I do what I can to make a positive relationship with them. invited on May 04, 2012: Yes, I also have problems with my mother in the law, but do you see me complaining? No. 'Cause I'll take care of it having the balls to do it. I suggest everyone grow up a couple and do the same. Stop hitting around the bush, stop complaining and expect things to "get better." They should've known what they were getting into long before they got married. So stop complaining, stand up and take action, or get on and die. But for Jesus' sake, do something soon... Ana on April 11, 2012: I believe in solutions. But I understand how complicated these issues can be and that solutions are linked to so much emotion that it is difficult to go there! I know what I'm talking about. Most of the things that you all have said I've been through with my mild, silver for the last 32 years. From the moment my husband brought me to meet them, they hated me and did nothing to hide it. They didn't even get to know me. They didn't like the fact that my parents were divorced. That he had come from working immigrant people. But the people who taught us that family love will make you through anything. That we were no better or worse than anyone else. That everyone makes mistakes and takes the wrong path sometimes, but that the help and encouragement of people around them will make you pass. They didn't believe and don't believe in this, so it's not important to them. They are ferocious about education and I have a BA in Psychology (while working 2 places to get through school) but this is not good enough for them. According to them because my parents are divorced, I don't come from money, I'm not blonde and have pure white skin, there's no kind of beauty and I don't let them control or abuse me I'm not good enough to be considered part of their family. I've tried everything. Ignoring the unpleasant things they tell me and my family work got worse, confronting them talking, screaming about it, trying to solve it, got 100 times worse, having my husband and my children go to family functions and I stayed back no one asked or cared where he was or why, fighting with my husband constantly to try and do something about this for 32 years he said the worst is how they need it. If something tragic must happen or there's a problem that calls my husband to ask for help and they say don't tell your wife. I have 3 beautiful children who have been treated this way for them there whole lives. It's affecting them now that they're older and understand. I tried to go one last time to a family function is worse than ever. Salem witch hunt, a loose situation. I came home and told my husband that he is no more, I refuse to be part of this constant deception and misery. They win that I and my children are not good enough for them! Thank God I'm ashamed to be associated with people who treat others so much. They're out of our lives and my husband agrees. Now we have my family who loves and treats my children like gold! We have friends and neighbors who love us and want to spend time with us. The world has 7 million people in it and we know that there are wonderful people who care there. I feel free. I don't need to live in a world of dark shadows, ridiculous and hateful. They can have there world that we are not good enough to be part of it. Yes! Annelien on April 10, 2012: The Oi family in the law is a nightmare. Thanks to everything you've published problems here. Just reading it makes me smile at cuz, so I feel all your pain. Phoebe35 on April 7, 2012: I didn't know how many people there are on the same boat as me. The only difference is that I don't like the parents of my husband (although I seriously despise their father), but they are my husband's brothers, and in particular a brother's wife. It has to be the most pretentious, ignorant, arrogant person I've ever known, when you really have no reason to be. This tense relationship has interfered with the family that I prefer to have gastro than to be near it and its pretentious offspring and husband without clues. It has also caused problems in my marriage where my husband, who really enjoys the company of his family, is surprised that I would not want to spend every hour of awakening in his presence. Although the council here is justified-especially the part of restraining... there is still vacation and birthday when I am forced to visit these people and yet it is expected that they will enjoy and project my own children in this dysfunctional situation. So my question is... how do I divorce my parents and not my husband? Rajiv on March 24, 2012: Hello, I know that many of you have said this, but it feels good that many people also feel the way about your laws like me. I liked the suggestion to stay away. I can see how tempting it can be to move, but it wouldn't be like running away from the problem. Is there any acceptable way to get the spouse to limit his interaction with his family? I guess the answer will be a great NO, but I guess I'll never stop waiting and pray. I even tried to use a binding spell I found on the Internet to keep your family away... I wouldn't take a genius to think it wouldn't work. Once, I tried to explain all this to my wife, but it just made me feel very bad and sad. I also tried to put on a façade and pretend it was all right. I just felt more bitter and frustrated and ended up climbing my disgust for them. I have no advice, but I can only suggest that whatever you need to do, pray hard and work continuously towards it, these things are not classified if they stay alone. Single Father on March 03, 2012:The notebooks are very good examples of the film Fantasma called "Others". They always think that "we" are strange... It would be very close to HELL to live and deal with all the complications... :- (Liza on March 01, 2012: My boyfriend and I go together, my boyfriend is very close to his brother and family, come every day. They say they missed us. Cuz will go with us before, so when my sister of the police come they will go to the kitchen open the fredge ( check ) and they will grab the food she wants in the fredge with the exit asking, they see the TV, sit on the rubber as a guest.. And stay until dinner. And after dinner they go home... It is never offered to wash dishes. Sometimes I ask him what he's cooking. She said, "Oh, I didn't know that I would cook," and I retaliated with the question what I'm cooking. Your children 2 children 5 and 2 are all over the place in our house, boy wach tv upstairs, play disaster... And the mother didn't even spend time to check if her son makes the mess. At some point the boy brings some cereal up... And take note. My stepmother told me that when my law brother goes to Thar's house, she also checks the fredge, frezzer, and the laundry... Lolzzzz... and they did that to behave with my ex-wife, because they used to live with them, the same problem as what I have right now... And she's the one who tells me that my ex-wife is so jealous for them, you know, if my wife and ex-wife come out before they like to go with them, and they're already so angry with them. I begin to give them an atittude, they will know that I don't like what makes us.. Julie on February 24, 2012: One word to anyone who is reading this and has problems with their laws. If you're not married anymore, then you need to seriously consider if you want to spend your life with these people. I really underestimated the role my inlaws were going to play in my life. It's true that when you get married, you marry your husband's family. In my experience, the inlaws were in good behavior before we married, but then their true colors began to show once they realized that they were trapped with them. Now they are the ban of my existence. I can't believe he's stuck with them forever. I wish I'd been more discerning about my inlaws when I was dating my husband, but I've really overlooked many signs that in retrospective they were obvious indicators that there were great problems. I should have heard my gut instincts that were sending alarms... I just wanted my husband so much that I disbanded these signs. If you are having doubts about your potential inlaws, you need to seriously think about things. I said run away now! You can find another girlfriend or boyfriend... there's a lot of fish at sea and it's not worth ruining your life by praising someone with a horrible family. WHERE'S A STYLE TIME! FREE! Julie on February 24, 2012: In addition, my husband and I are talking about having children, but I am very worried about that because my inlaws are so horrible. I've reached the point of avoiding them at all costs, unless it's Christmas or someone's birthday. If I have a baby I know they'll want to come all the time, or make me visit them. I don't want to give them a reason to invade my life more than they already have. Besides, the idea of having a baby who has some genetic link with them is terrifying to me. They're ignorant ogres and if I have a child who seems or acts like them I'll cry forever. Julie on February 24, 2012: I liked my inlaws until we told them we were engaged. Then they started getting involved in everything and telling us what to do. We don't have much money, so we wanted to get away and save money in cash, but the laws gave a big adjustment and said we needed to have a wedding they could attend. So we agreed to have a wedding near your house so they could come. MIL gave me a list of 40 relatives that I had never met and said that HAD would invite everyone or people to make their feelings hurt, but did not offer help to pay for food or table rents. So, he didn't like our invitations, so he complained and fired until we threw them all out and wrote them exactly how he wanted them to write, and he didn't offer a penny to help pay for them. We included the laws in our ceremony, and we made them walk down the hall in front of us... we only asked if they would use something that had a little color we used for our wedding. MIL carried something so cheerful and revealing that people looked at each other with their eyebrows raised when it passed. After our wedding we were in debt 10,000 on credit cards because we paid all of ourselves. We even had to rent BIL's suit and pay for his haircut because he didn't have a job... but he couldn't be bothered to give us a card or a gift or even make a godfather's speech. One week after our wedding my husband received two letters from his mother and grandmother. Both were asking for the full payment of the loans they had made to help him with the university. They said that since we obviously had money to get married we should be able to return them immediately. What a beautiful wedding gift! We worked hard and paid both of them as soon as we could. The worst part of all of this is that we live in the same city as my own and merge into our lives every day. I can't wait until we can move away and never see them again. Honestly, I'm jealous of people who have defects that never pay attention to them. That looks like heaven. Chris on February 19, 2012: I have been married for several years, my wife is very close to her family, I hate everyone! I've never seen a family with so many idiots in my life, it must be genetic! My wife's brother is a donkey, a mom's boy, he's a bachelor, so he's always with my wife and I when we do it on dates, it's a classic example of a third wheel. First he has a house for himself, he's only 27 years old and has accomplished this. He always complains to his mother or my wife about his work, first winning the top dollar, he only wears design clothes, and recently bought a 60-inch flat screen. This is possible for that job he hates! Anyway, he's a real mom's boy, always calling his mom and visiting like every weekend. My wife and I live in their parents' property, there's a main house that parents reside and a small flat where my wife and I live. Now the plan is that my wife and I will move into the main house and their parents move into the smallest house, suddenly my brother wives are planning to move with the parents, wtf? He decided to sell his house and everything! Now the problem is that when we decide to move into the main house, he'll probably be living there for the three of us. This guy is a mom's boy, every time he visits his mother weaving like a maid to cook and clean after him, he treats him like a baby, his pathetic to see an adult man behave like a child! I refuse to live with him, actually, my wife doesn't see a problem, but I certainly do! Bill on February 18, 2012: I like to know if I can't be on my dad famley what I can do to make it work for me. Anón on February 17, 2012:Andie, in case you come back here, I hope you can see this post. It sounds very overwhelming for you not to have much space and time to do things like you need to do them. It is clear that he has made all the effort not to accomplish them in half, but to do things 'their way'. I think your husband needs to see this post and have some perspective on it. Of course you are tired of having children is tired and you need love and support and for others to understand that finding feet as a parent is important and knowing when to leave people alone and when to visit is important. I believe that you and your husband must agree on some very clear limits between you two, as proper dates and times of the year for grandparents to visit. And agree that if it is not convenient then practice by saying so firmly and politely until the message with the time the visits are in its time is not. For God's sake, God Himself would not expect you to be on his schedule - it's your schedule not his. Make these changes - it will affect your children who need to know subconsciously that they have happy parents with their own family hours :) Keep practicing doing things your way until you have the right balance for yourself. Not the other way around. Umph ughh ehhh on January 22, 2012: I am in the first months of marriage to a man who has been married before. I love my FIL, Syl's wife and FIL's. They're really awesome and all around the good people like my Hubby's mother is an insensitive, grunting money idiot! Your son my BIL is your little clone. They both tell me horrible things and they put themselves on the thickest blame journey than newly placed cement. My husband is currently on the sea and I join him for the next three years in about a month. I've done my best to play well, but MIL is looking behind my husband's back... Your brother becomes a friend of people who are greasy gossip people against my husband and me. I think husbands should come with responsibilities warnings: always check the terms and conditions when they buy a husband, the suegros are included.... My mother in the law has said quite nasty things in front of my husband and I and she shrinks like a lunatic. We're both grateful to have the distance soon. Finally, a happy family begins away from a very unhappy family. I will say that he appreciates and recognizes the Love that my family has for him and apologizes for his madness that I had no choice to win from his end. People forget their sh*t also stinks... Thank God for re-station! amenMyMy God on January 17, 2012: My God, I really thought I was the only one and I felt bad for not liking my husband's family. They're so greedy and they want to be in our business all the time! I'm about to lose it, sadly we live with them and not to mention that we pay each of their bills, trying to help them because in our culture what children do for their parents but I'm really about to break up with Mom!I'm on January 17, 2012: My problem has been that for the last 2-3 years, since we had our first child, my suegros have been inconsiderate about my feelings, opinions, and disrespect. I only get as far as being treated human or a piece of furniture lying on the corner of the room somewhere. Yeah, I guess it's okay, but when they require private time with my kids who haven't even gotten into Kindergarden yet and especially when we come to visit as a family, I do find it very strange. They are the first grandchildren and I understand how great it should be, but they have no right to do what they want and yet, just because they are grandpa and grandmother! Especially when I and my husband have already been as understanding about their needs as grandparents. I never had trouble with them coming to the hospital. I never had trouble with them buying small gifts (I even hated this idea, but to please the MIL - I allowed this). I tried to be so understanding. Play with the kids every time we visit, and yes, even alone. We always give them a list of what toys and things kids like for Christmas. I can keep showing my point, but I think you got the picture. When I felt that my MIL didn't like it, I looked into what I could do. Against my own wishes, I let your baby be my daughter when we had our second baby. I bought him a necklace in his favorite color as a thank-you and to show him I appreciate it, and you know what he said? You really shouldn't have. I guess I can understand that it made her uncomfortable... But when they do things like that to make me feel uncomfortable, it doesn't count, because that's just who and how they are. You know what I mean? Since the kids are there, they totally ignore me when we visit, it bothers me. That's why I don't want to visit anymore. I don't want anything to do with them. They've caused a lot of fights in my marriage. I've been too stressed to please them and I need to worry about my children and not about them. I've never disrespected these people, ever, not once. I always went to their parties, eaters, bbqs. I offered my help to the MIL if necessary, as I emptied her living room after a party, and I didn't try to bother her either. I respected his kitchen as his space. So, for me it was really disconcerting to see how the behavior changed once the children entered the picture. Suddenly, I'm not in the picture and not good enough. I'm just glad my husband has a little taste of this behavior at the end, too, otherwise, I think it would have been difficult to convince him. I remember we sat twice to talk to the MIL, it seemed to be okay, but then he turned around and told FIL about it. Then he had a bitter call from the FIL (because my MIL and FIL are divorced). We told him that we just wanted to discuss our feelings and wishes about how we would like to be treated as a couple and parents, but we also wanted to hear what they had to say. The answer was that...we are too overprotective, we have mental advice (more in reference to me) thinking that they would hurt children, etc. What am I gonna do when I send my son to school for the first time? If I feel they don't take me seriously, there will be according to my FIL, more situations in life where they won't take me seriously, so the result is to overcome it. If not, let's isolate ourselves... if not, those were his exact words. I was very hurt, because I meant to fix this... I've known them for 4 years - I've had experiences with them that made it seem that there was a problem they were avoiding, and I didn't appreciate this passive aggressive behavior, etc. Basically they told me that I am attacked because I miss my family, I am alone and poor, also because of some sad things in my past I have confidence-beliefs... they even added that there could be a language barrier (all are Germans, I am American). So when we said, then why don't you sound nicer so there's no misunderstanding or it's clearer? The silence filled the room. I've been through too many years. I miss my family, friends, and my old job, but that's not why I'm upset. I'm upset, because I don't respect myself as a mother and DIL. And yes, I'm afraid this will affect my children's lives. I love them more than anything in the world and I don't look like an overprotective, I don't like people assuming that everything they do is good just because they feel they have the right to do it. I don't even allow my own mother to be insistent - and that's my mother! But, I'm really trying to be as fair as possible. Unfortunately, my in-laws don't want to understand this. It really breaks my heart. I've been pretty sick with stress and sadness for almost 6 weeks. My husband loves me, but... for those of you who think it's okay to ventilate at home, I'm not sure I agree. He'll usually take a bad fight with the husband. We've decided to work on this as a couple and it's working... it's a tough battle. What made me change is when my daughter told me, "Mom is not traurig, you die." This broke my heart in a million pieces and for this reason, although I don't like to play the bad or keep them away, I don't feel like they deserve to have a chance to step on me again... I know my son loves his Oma, but his Oma and Opi have been idiots. When she's old enough to understand that, then she can make her own decision too. And if they really care, they're gonna make the effort to get out and get to us. It's been a long way and I'm tired! Sarah on November 20, 2011: MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, or get divorced from her inlaws not her husband. After 25 years of marriage I did this. My husband wasn't about to. So I did it and saved our marriage. He really did it because the inlaws had no limits. You can't have it both ways. Yeah, your inlaws will probably hate you, but less you have your husband. that's what really matters. Cindy on October 25, 2011: My Mother in the law is as common as a turkey to thank! He says so rude things and sits on his fat ass all the time and only orders everyone else. She farts and swears loudly and I was never raised to be like this! She's negative about our future as if she couldn't wait to see that we failed! What would one do in the name of heaven about such a nasty woman? The worst thing is that your daughter is the same. However, my other half is the most decent and silent person with a soft heart I know... fully confused! WENDYC on October 11, 2011: I have been married for 30 years and I love my husband very much. My husband comes from a lethal family. My in-laws bought us our first house. We raised two daughters together. My in-laws were very kind to me before I married your son. From the day we got married, they started to control me. To raise my children to clean my house. My MIL died 6 months ago at 89. My FIL is 95 and it's still strong. He always threatened me with money, not my husband. My husband tells me to stay there because he deserves his inheritance. My FIL still drives and appears in my house every day and is so bad for me. Can anyone please help me with some suggestions? I don't want to cause any trouble for my husband because he's very good for me, but I'm at the point where he's working on my nerves. I try to think of excuses, but I'm exhausting Susie on August 20, 2011: My under-carriers are under the catchers. My sil is 40 years old and still lives at home. My bil is 44 years old and still lives at home, without employment. My other bil is married, has his own home and 3 children, but he cannot afford to put food on the table for them. He also refuses to work, he only wants to robber to live. My sil is still abandoned on a regular basis. She's very jealous of me and my daughter. He has verbally abused my children on several occasions. The only comment that my 22-year-old husband has is that he is hurt by his actions to me, but never to them. They constantly try to undermine our children as parents. When my husband and I were married, his family kept their "balls" to take care of. 22 years later, he hasn't picked them up yet. My sil was under the impression that what scared me and husband did to improve our lives, instead it was made by her. I wanted to enter a heritage without working at all. Most of the problems started to happen when my whistle couldn't find a job and we hired it. She was the most incompetent person I've ever met, but she won't listen when we try to correct her. Of course, I became the boxing bag. He thought it was his business and forgot that I and the husband worked and owned that business together. I couldn't understand why she won't be part of it by joining. They have tried to do a number of things of goods through my marriage to them, hoping that one day they will realize that their attitude has to change towards me. Instead, they can't deny the amount of good I've done for them over the years, but he claims that all the good thing I did was because I wanted the attention. That's when you know you have defect losers. The priest of hell who brought us to get married asked me and my family, if we were sure we wanted to join that family on the wedding day. He was his family father! Solution: Take your life! It has to be done immediately. I recently started changing my maiden name. That was the moment I was respected and loved more. I can't even do it by his name. It's degrading. It felt like a weight of 100 pounds was lifted. Unfortunately, children get involved. I have tried to prevent them from learning the situation, but unfortunately when the abuse moved the children (it will always do), I had to put a stop at that time and there. If I chose to endure the abuse, that was my decision. But nobody touches my children. Third, for all the newlyweds, don't put your hand in Grandma's school. We both went into professional school shortly after marriage, but we decided together that it will go first for lack of funding. Unfortunately, when it was my turn, it won't do the same for me. LEARNED: Always look out for yourself first.kathy on July 04, 2011: my MIL is going to lead to drinking! After a couple of years I started to see what kind of women her mother was. However, I just ignored it. That's until I gave birth to his only granddaughter. Since then I looked at myself and he did this of course the worst things. Then came my daughter birthday. She did it to herself and got rid of herself if she wasn't going to get her way, then she wasn't going to her first birthday. After that he decides not to talk to her for six months. In those months I was blamed for it for her sister and every time they were together, I would get the dirty look of her. I'd get him out to talk about what he needed to call his mother. I didn't have to do that thing that would have told him that in front of me he wouldn't have had any trouble with that. Then she got a birthday card from her mother, saying that if she didn't talk to her, she was going to kill herself, since both her children don't talk to her. Then I told her I should talk to her, because even if she's lying, you have to take things like this seriously. They started talking but since then he ignored me, shouted at me at the food court at the mall. Anything you do is wrong. If I talk to her "I'm being rude," if I don't say much that she thinks I'm being bad or angry with her. You also care that if she doesn't get close, the sister gets involved. I've fallen into deep depression. He's made a lot of arguments with my bf, yes bf. We're not getting married anymore. When we tried to plan a wedding she had all these demands. So far, we both canceled it. When we told him he wouldn't start crying and call his sister who would call his father and his father would yell at him and he wouldn't listen to our side of the story. I love him, though, I can't stand him anymore I get so stressed when he's in town that I'm physically sick. Please, if anyone has advice, I need it. She knows how to play people and the family knows yet I still end up or we still end up with the bad guys. There on June 28, 2011:Before my mother-in-law died, we had a great relationship. My husbands three sisters and father, with whom I had the problem. They have tried to come among us for years, keeping the problems constantly scrambled, being too needy of him, wanting financial support constantly, disrespecting as his wife. After 10 years, we had our son and put my foot down. I told my husband that our son wouldn't grow up thinking this twisted way of life was normal. I told them all I felt and that I was not going to allow their behavior anymore and that if they wanted to be part of our son's life, they would have to accept me. Well, I learned how much they really care because they don't come around, which is good with me! My husband and I get along now and he's a better husband for me. I didn't really think we were gonna make it and now our future looks great! My husband understands what I had to deal with and sees that my family is not like that. They have accepted and respected his position. Sugars can destroy a marriage if they permit. M MADHAVI on June 05, 2011: Try to counsize your mother separately and make her understand that your wife is important to you as your mother is equal to a face with two eyes and feels bad if any of your eyes hurts. Good luck, May 16, 2011: I just got married and it's been only four months. My mother was against our marriage. She finds all the guilt in my wife and makes it a big problem. My wife is a loving person and tried to impress my mother. My mother can't stand us being together. As long as we're together, he's trying to separate us and sends me to do some work so he's away from my wife. My wife has begun to hate her and it's hard to stay home. My relatives are affectionate to my wife and they want her a lot..pls advise what I should do? Miranda like this April 27, 2011: the way I see him, I married my husband and not his family, this after both groups of parents didn't really approve the party, but since our marriage my parents have made an effort to be civil to my husband and now my mother even cooks their fashion dishes when we spent once in a while but their parents have consistently ignored me to the point of not talking to me during all my pregnancy, they've taken I don't even know why it started. But I know it started when he and I started dating. We knew we wanted to get married and we were together, so we moved together. His mother was furious and tried to say that we had to move in with her and that we were making a mistake and called her all over the family to complain that I was "controlling." We were both adults and he had been living with her but hated how rude his house was (never cleaned, had about 50 more cats that urinated in everything, including the stove! there was never food, I brought the random kids from bars, ect). Then we got pregnant. It wasn't planned, but we wanted to keep the baby, which caused another disturbance in the family. I ended up with a big pay cut and my husband lost his job. He decided that the only thing that saved us was to join the army (actually his mother told him it was what he needed to do). They blamed me for joining the Marines for their older sister. The first time he met me, he got mad because he had our daughter and told my husband to leave me. She yelled at her until she got her out of the house. Then when I got home, she acted like she was the best person in the world, but she kept looking at me. His whole family tried to blame me for going on a trip, none of us wanted, saying that he really wanted to go, yet he didn't do it and had repeatedly told them that he wasn't going to go. After he went to the boot camp his brother told me he was going to fool me because he would never know and then proceeded to tell me stories about his ex-gf! When my husband graduated from the boot, his family told him it wasn't that hard and his brother had it worse when it happened. Then they turned and yelled at me to stop "hanging" my husband when he was cornering me around the base! They got angry because they didn't want to go to dinner with them, so they yelled at us both the same night the boot camp ended! Then they talked about how horrible it was not to force him to do what they wanted. We were told to leave our children at the hotel and to go to the zoo and that we were terrible to include the kids at the zoo. When we got home, we got married and told his family that we were going to get married and they said good and acted like they didn't care. Then when we came home to do justice and peace we were shouted for "going" to get married. After he left for SOI his family started to drag me all over Facebook saying he was controlling it and I didn't let him see his family! Then they said they had to find out that we married a lost cousin after posting photos in FB A WEEK after we saw MARRIED (when we married we even liked each other!!!) Every day they told me that I didn't know anything about my husband, that I was horrible because he only wrote me in the boot camp (everyone wrote a letter and then said that it didn't make sense to write it so no), they said that he needed to control it and do everything they wanted me to do (including things in his military career that he didn't want to do). Once we finally got together we cut them off until things cooled because he didn't know how to get closer to the subject (while he was in school he barely got time to try to fix things, and when he tried to get everybody to deny it and blamed me saying I started it). Finally after they continually emailed me, I answered why we were angry and upset and that when my husband was ready he would call them. They told me how bad I was about to do that because they were worried that I would die (we are and we are still in CA). They said even if we were angry we should call them and talk to them and we had no right to cut them. He finally spoke to his mother to write an apology letter and wanted one of her sisters to write one, and her mother wrote a letter saying how horrible she was and that she did nothing wrong and welcomed me to the family the best they knew and never blocked me like I did, but they were willing to forget all that. They also told me that I caught my husband to marry me for becoming pregnant and when we confronted them about what they said was hypothetical. Then they told me they wanted me to stop all this because I tried to fix everything meant that I didn't really love my husband and that I destroyed his relationship with everyone and destroyed his "right work" family. Then her sister teased me for my husband wanting her to write an apology letter. They even tried to say that her Gma (who saved her life when she was 8) was dying and if she wanted to see her before she died she needed to come and see her even when we talked to her a few days later she was doing very well. They told him that he was surrendering and that he was about to "get the bucket" and it was his fault that talking to him would have helped her recover. When he confronted his brothers with the information about how his gma was right and doing good, they stuttered and said they were going for what they were told! How horrible! Finally, the time came for my husband to deploy and they decided that they could apologize for everything if he came down before he left. They "apologized" but when it turned out that they could not go down (that they cut their license in half) they decided trash to speak to me once again. After deploying, they acted like they weren't upset about leaving our children and me. They got angry because they left little notice (they were about to call) and didn't call them to blame them. They think I'm lying about him not being able to receive letters and care packages and phone calls (no service there, no internet, and it's a short mission so they didn't get an address). They've begun to take me down once again since he's gone, and when I get back I'll tell him that I can't have them in our lives where they could do this to our children too. I won't have that around our kids. We've had this convo before, and I'm still thinking that we should be good somewhere, and I wanted to try to fix whatever was broken so our kids could know that side, but since it's not right, I'm cutting them off. I know my husband will agree because he's sick of how they treat me. His other brothers have long-term bfs and gfs and none of them have received the treatment I am. In fact, your family sends all of them big checks and gift cards just to get a job or complete the school for a semester, and when we get married we don't even get a card! (I'm not asking for money because even the few times they sent money we didn't collect their cheques.) My birthday just happened and they sent me $25. It was a bit insulting since his gf brothers (not wife, GF!) got a couple of $100 on their day last year. They've also been telling everyone that we can't pay our bills and they're in need of money, yet we're the only ones who have money saved and they're moving away for future uses (we're going to put it to our first house). We're the only ones in your family who don't have our hands out for money at every moment and are resurrected to take any money they offer us. His brother (who is 40 years old) just had his mother stop paying some of his bills and his older sister (who is 35) is still having his mother pay for his phone account. Her mother would pay for all this when my husband was still in HS and told her that she didn't have enough money to pay the electric and water bills and if he wanted to run the water he had to pay... at the age of 15! (That was about 8 years ago). But I have had it with my laws and every time I ask what made them so angry with me that they could never find an answer and say they already told me. They said he was crazy and he didn't live in the same world as they because I told them quietly why he was upset. Before me, my husband's family didn't care about his whereabouts. They just wanted it when they needed someone to leave their kids a weekend to get out or out of town. He said before speaking on April 18, 2011: During the first 9 years of our marriage (12 years of being together), my inlaws & accompanied me famously. I was closer to them than my own parents. When my brother-in-law got married, they asked my husband & I for our daughter to go on vacation. My sister-in-law treated everyone terrible and when we came back, we kept our distance from her, trying to figure out exactly where to get out of there. He realized what was going on and he ended up talking shit to the whole family. My in-laws, along with the rest of the family, now refuse us. Since we were so close before, it really hurts. I wish the truth would come out and my in-laws could see what's really going on, but five years later, not yet. My MIL is trying to give my husband trips of guilt daughter, try to manipulate them, and often treats me coldly. My husband gets angry when I say something about it, while he can pick up any lack of "loving action" towards them, he can't see the rotten way they treat me. He's made a lot of arguments. I try to get away from them, but they insist (I give them guilt trips) when I avoid family meetings. I told them I don't want any of them except acceptance, but they keep buying gifts (for holidays) " getting angry when I don't "mean" them. I only wish more than anything that they realized the truth. Unfortunately, the love of trust has gone among us, even though I am still the same person as I was when they met " they worshiped me. Lindsey on February 11, 2011: I thought he was the only one in the world who had problems with the undersigns. It's good to hear other stories, but my question is... When do you get away from your marriage? I'm a newlywed and I'm already thinking about this. It's not good! Since we got married, his family's been in our ass. our family is our divorced so let me say 1. The house we bought 6 years ago was my FIL and moved 4 hours away. Since then, he's been here almost every weekend. And when you're here, you always have to take my husband to the bar, bring drugs back to this house and decide to have a party without consulting me. I'm so tired of him thinking this is his house. And when I say something, I'm a bitch. I've talked to my husband about it and I've even said that this is enough, that he has to get a hotel room or he needs to start respecting me and understanding that this is no longer his house and what he's doing isn't right with me- it didn't work and I'm the bad guy! 2. Her mother is here during the week constantly in our business judging every corner of my house, the fact that I have cats (because she hates cats), and the fact that I have not yet found a job (I have been fired for a year). I feel like I never get into my family and I just found out that my father has cancer, my mother is diabetic and broke her arm and my sister is getting divorced. I can't stand it anymore, I'm so nervous. The weekends used to be for me and my husband. Not anymore! I don't know how long I can go on like this. They are born on February 02, 2011: but here are guys of different stories, my wife treats her ass like shit. He doesn't like his activities and behavior, and he always tries to pass me some comments on them. where My parents are not as unmanageable, but they listen to all that for my sake and try not to hurt my feeling about it. She always thinks her parents are the only best humanity and not mine are the worst. Can anyone guide me? Mr. Beans on January 31, 2011:To Mr Jimi Shadow: You've hit the nail in the man's head! My MIL is all the cause of the B.S. our family passes. Men have had their part of the problems, even me with my own brothers, but it is usually quite quickly solved. The women of our family are the ones who have been b.s. for years and years and never let go. My FIL doesn't have gonads and can't get up on its own, even though it's a good guy in general and gets carried away by his wife! Sometimes I wish our family were all men then maybe things would be different!! Lindsey on January 27, 2011: I'm having a problem with my boyfriend's family. I had to move across the country to be with him, while he was finishing college. The real fun part is that we had to live with them until he graduated. He graduated last month, and we started the search for the apartment. I wouldn't say I hate them, but they're Ukrainian and somehow don't speak much English after living in Illinois for 17 years. They choose to isolate each culture but of one's own. They only see Russian television, read Russian newspapers and only associate with the Russian or Ukrainian people. It doesn't bother me until the end, but it's your home and they have every right to do it. I've tried to learn Russian, but it's a hard language. They refuse to speak English in front of me probably 95% of the time. And my boyfriend won't translate. He hates his family more than I hate, I think. And he's making it miserable for them to complain, and sometimes I complain. They're very strange people, like... I can only put my food in a shelf in the fridge and in the pantry. If a food they don't recognize is moved by my boyfriend, or buy something they don't eat, it gets stuck with my stuff. My kitchen utensils can't touch yours, etc. It's very small. I love cooking and I'd love to make family dinners, but they won't eat anything to cook - even if it's something I've seen them eat before. With the exception of Thanksgiving. They recognized me that it was never a celebrity party before. When Christmas rolled around, I expected to take a break and maybe they would make the food. No. My boyfriend and I ended up in the Chino Buffet because I kept the fight until the bitter end when the grocery stores were finally closed on Christmas Eve. The weird thing is what attracts me most. I can't stand it anymore! nana on January 14, 2011: I started hating my laws! They "his sisters" disrespect my husband and when he is angry with them they treat him like shit! I don't know what to do! I don't want to make my husband feel like they're disrespectful and at the same time I want to put an end to this bitch! Plz tells me what to doshakira! January 12, 2011: we all have the same problems! I can't stand my undersigns too, actually all of us, all her sons and daughters who get married say she's not so rich, she threw us out... and accepts the abusers who gave her something most of the time, she loves the undersigns that she can always take something.... God! My husband and I stay away from them... my husband doesn't want to have a family broken only by their mothers interfere! Eledo on January 9, 2011: This is in response to Mosco. Trust me to leave your partner. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm tired of pretending that I like laws and pretend to like it. Life is too short to pretend and waste time on sites like this (although these sites are tremendously useful and necessary!). This situation is too depressing and difficult I would prefer to spend gall stones or eat soap and then strip another day in your company. We all deserve to be treated with justice and respect and deserve to spend every minute of our lives where we want to be. I think leaving your partner is an easy sacrifice. I love my partner but I hate your family but I don't expect you to choose between them and me so I choose the easy and coward option of simply abstaining. In the Founding Act on January 06, 2011: Attention of Oportunity!$$$ Offended! The new documentary-style television program needs you! This new series will be seen in the relationships between married couples and their in-laws! Do you and your in-laws have different ways of doing things that can sometimes be frustrating? Do your own old-fashioned values differ from your modern lifestyle? Does the statement, "When Mom says no, Grandma ask" sound true in your family? Do you want your mother-in-law not so much to baby your husband when she's around because when she stops she won't do anything around the house? If you love your own, but you want to learn to adapt to the life of the other, this is the show for you! Families in this program will have the opportunity to work once in life with an expert in professional relationships to help their family understand each other's way of life. GENEROUS FINANCIAL COMPENSATION OFFERED!! For more information, get a request or nominate a family, please send your story, contact information and family photo toInLawCasting@gmail.com .annoyed4life on December 29, 2010:My MIL irritation started when you moved with us. From there it was downhill, she didn't pay any bills, that we knew she couldn't pay at the time and wanted her to save her money so she could get her own place when she started working. I always want to eat what I cook, but she complains of washing the dishes because she felt that she's the mother, she shouldn't have to raise a finger. Then I fill my head with nonsense that makes me have a verbal fight with a friend of my husband. You care, I was pregnant, so hormones were also a factor. About a year later, she moved, but if she hadn't been pregnant and needed the room, she wouldn't feel the need to leave. Now that she's alone, she still needs things from us, whether it's money or a trip. He has no intention (in my opinion) of prioritizing his life and meeting because he knows, at the end of the day, if he ever needs anything, we're right on the street and a phone call. This makes me crazy. I know that people don't always have their things together in life, but MY parents would be breaking their butts to get what they need before they ask their children for help. My father has been unemployed for a whole year caring for the mother of a wife, son, mother and wife, and not for that he asked me for help. Does this make sense to anyone as to why I feel like I'm on the same boat as all of you? Rxx on December 16, 2010:Anon, his situation seems to be very similar to mine. Except I've only been married for 2-3 years. I love my husband very much. They are only arguments that come from the unhappiness I get from the inlaws. There are many examples of when they have created tension. They have very proud people, and their pretentious forms with me, I can't stand it anymore. I've also reached an agreement with my partner that I'm not going to visit them anymore. However, this hasn't lied to me I don't see them at other family events, etc. I really want to cut them off completely because my self-esteem is very low. I cry, I got hurt and fell absolutely helpless. I don't have kids yet, but I really do. Do you have kids? It's unfair for grandchildren to see less or none of their grandparents. I don't know what to do. anon on December 6, 2010:10+ years of being with my husband 8 of the married years. the first two years were horrible; I hated my inlaws always felt inferior to them and their new expensive cars vacation 4 car garage houses and constant remodeling of their homes. everything with all of them was always about money and racing and gossip. when we meet the conversations were always whose job is better, that is doing better in your work, so and the brand new car, or as well as the new bathroom / kitchen ... the inlaws celebrated Christmas and Easter b/c NMIL was a "Catholic" Sunday that told me that I would burn in Him! because I did not belong to his faith. I would be taken out of photos of "Family" or all of them together told me to come out of the image of "family" because it was not "Family" my husband and I never fought except for one thing, my assistant to mandatory family meetings was a husband who would take me to blame, we got there forged a "dolor" or a "stomach ache" and then I was being bombed by the inlaws. After a few years of this I had enough wanted a divorce I hated my life and all my problems and unhappiness seemed to derive from the Inlaws and my husband's inability to see who they were and how much they treated me. We struggled a lot and finally agreed to divorce a few weeks later we attended a family meeting where they treated me horribly and surprised the inlaws my husband witnessed and was furious and then fought with his mother and father about the situation. We agree that I would not avoid visiting your family, if you did not make me visit them at all. For almost five years I've seen them for the last time... I'm invited to family events, but I always decline. 2 great things have happened to my life since I cut all ties and communication with the inlaws. 1. I am much happier and at peace with my life and my self-esteem has been great. and 2. my marriage is stronger and better than ever. with 1 year in the home my husband and I are planning to sell the house and move about 1000 miles away (to Atlanta)It's amazing how a couple of people can almost break and ruin a marriage and 2 lives. Sam on 12 November 2010: married 4 almost 17 years. in the ruined laws! A thousand is narcissistic def dirt has no balls. my solution 2 fix all the past hell that has been thru is ....2 yrs makes me get to my break point. I got out of the toilet. I'm not visiting them anymore. I'm not asking for four nannies. We have four children... who have had time four anyway. I told my husband I won't visit them. I will make time 4 them when it works 4 me.i leave the askin 4 thousand 2 help me with my children 2 years ago too. I a stay at home Mom so I probably asked him 4 help 15 times in almost 17 years anyway. I don't want your help. I don't want my kids around her anyway. We have a 15, 12, 5 & 2 1/2 of age. I cud go on & on bout what has been thru but instead of rehashin it that I just started every day & just move 4ward ... with out of them. I used 2 nclude them n batch... can't b me. ...I can get along with a mountain lion...4 my sanity... done! I'm so happy now. I say when " where " if " no, thank you! I will no longer try 2 to rationalize w eithr from them. choose each one. I didn't choose them. I love my husband but 2 keep our marriage. I had 2 free. I don't feel like I have 2 xplains in 2 them or any other. I got rid of it. I don't have parents because my dad's bipolar and it's been my whole life and my mother's a facilitator. I have been free of my parents 4 5 years. and ive backd up from inlaws 4 the past 2 yrs.i hav a wondrful support system. A handful of friends who resonate my family. God has blessed me with a woman I consider my mother. I won't let people be toxic. Life is 2 short.i I feel like an elephant has been lifted from me. I'm 36 years old and I just start 2 xperince real life and happiness. I'm not giving any other control over my life or happiness. I can sound hard but aft all these yrs learn that these people don't make me cry. I don't do anything like that. Don't misunderstand me... when I talk or it smells, but that's all... I won't go there again. DIfferent2010 on November 10, 2010:I'm in charge of my husband's mother. This idiot bought a birthday present. A fool bought a plant. As much as I love the plants, he's going to die. If I died tomorrow, I wouldn't mind. I can't stand it! David D. on October 18, 2010: Thank you for publishing first. We are currently in Holidays with MIL & FIL. I'll fight. This is the only way to have my children the opportunity to visit with their grandparents. It gets frustrating. We shouldn't have to do this to have a relationship with their grandchildren. But we do. I love my family. I see where many of my wife's struggles come from. They bother, but I love my wife and my children. They probably have trouble with me too. They wouldn't admit it. I know. I miss being with my church family and I can't wait to take us home and go back to the track spiritually. I'm here, because I'm still fighting. The last thing I have to do is is isolate so I don't tell anyone. The frustration will eat you alive. Thanks for publishing. I just needed to remember that I do have choices, though limited, and that at some point I can start my day again. I don't know if this post helped someone else, but it helped me. Take care. Dmermaidatheart on October 13, 2010: I am sooooo happy to find this blog. My husband is very close to his family, too close. It is important to be close to not dangerously close to where they are in your business. My husband one, is too close to his mother, calling her 3x's a day, telling her all our business, stopping by her house every other day. I like her mother but her closeness is reduced to our relationship! She has a sister, never married, has a teenage daughter, has a jealous and competitive air towards me, plunged in money, lies, etc. Try to manipulate my husband " time to get rid of his energy with me " our girls. It goes behind my back " criticizes me. He calls her every day " this reinforces her attitude, it's like she's some kind of wonderful ;E There's also a lot of bad behaviors and toxic criminal lifestyles with other siblings of hers. I don't like my little boy and baby around them, but I have to. A brother is funny, he lives with his 76-year-old mother and is a lazy bum. I am educated as I can be with all of them for our marriage " because I love my husband. I've endured a lot and I have HAD to be passive. I have had conversations with him, he is angry " tries to say that I am the problem, " that I am insecure about his only mother. He agrees on the bad behavior of the other members but is still obliged to them to guess what? We are still fooling with them! mermaidatheart on October 13, 2010: I am sooooo happy to find this blog. My husband is very close to his family, too close. It is important to be close to not dangerously close to where they are in your business. My husband one, is too close to his mother, calling her 3x's a day, telling her all our business, stopping by her house every other day. I like it but this is reduced to our relationship! She has a sister, never married, has a teenage daughter, has a jealous and competitive air towards me, plunged in money, lies, etc. Try to manipulate my husband " time to get rid of his energy with me " our girls. It goes behind my back " criticizes me. He calls her every day " this reinforces this " for some strange reason ... as if it were a kind of wonderful ;E There are also many bad toxic behaviors and lifestyles with other brothers of his. I don't like my little boy and baby around them, but I have to. A brother is funny, he lives with his 76-year-old mother and is a lazy bum. I am educated as I can be with all of them for our marriage " because I love my husband. I've endured a lot and I have HAD to be passive. I have had conversations with him, he is angry " tries to say that I am the problem, I am insecure about his only sister mother. He agrees on the bad behavior of the other members but is still bound to them so angry what? We're still fooling with them! Sabine on 13 October 2010:Readings about the marriage triangle: I selected some details of the previous link that you need to share with your spouse to help your partner heal from the guilt feeling for leaving your parents physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually: Most people are happy to recover only the physical experience: being a single flesh on the physical plane only. But the very absence of satisfaction, which results in the search for more lovers and varieties of experience, is testimony to the fact that one flesh means that communion among people is not only physical but also mental, emotional and spiritual. The abandonment must be done not only geographically; it must be done psychologically. And that's exactly what many young people in the marriage process don't do. Socially, they can enter a wedding ceremony, but psychologically they are not prepared to make the great leap of faith in commitment to another person. When crises arise, or big decisions must be made, or resources must be provided to meet the needs of an emergency, instinctively they look upon their shoulders to their parents. What they have not realized is that leaving must have meant that they cut the authority and the lines of disposition to start a whole new family. When a member of a new marriage keeps looking at the old parental ties, the whole new relationship becomes uncomfortable. A wife's husband who wants to continue to cultivate some kind of emotional authority relationship with her parents will feel inadequate as a leader. A husband's wife who has not dissolved her ties with parents feels unsafe in her ability to trust her husband. As destructive are parents who will not let their children leave. Unable to give up their influence on their children, they unconsciously knit bonds of obligation on the life of their children. "Why don't you come and live in the basement of our house until your bank account is big enough so you can pay for your own home?" says a father. Another insists that families meet every Friday night. A third party directs a steady stream of gifts and cash to the new marriage. Often there are a series of unmentioned strings linked to these offerings, and they are usually thrown just when the couple begins to seek independence. Sabine on October 11, 2010:Read more about In-Laws:Sabin on October 11, 2010: If you are fighting for your marriage and are trying to rebuild and rebuild your relationship, read and share this website with your spouse: Check how to deal with parents, read all articles: I'm not sure it will work 100% but worth trying. In case it doesn't work, stop wasting your time and start a new life with someone who can make you feel happy and deserves you. Good luck, Sabineso hurt on October 10, 2010: I have read most of your stories, and I feel for you but trust me my inlaws are the worst there has been. My MIL is absolutly horrible, she lies and manipulates all and treats only certain good grandchildren (the rest will only say a fresh greeting a). She has informed everyone that she has left everything in her will to a grandson. And Oh lies, so much trouble she does for all, including her own brothers and their own children, if they don't do as She says (it's really unimaginable for most normal people). But she does this fake OH HI and attracts people back, OH and of course her favorite saying, oh I didn't say that. Calling her a monster is an underestimation. FIL tells me I have a fat ass (not me) and other nasty things. A BIL is the most confronted person you've ever seen, I've seen him drag things from people (pretending to be on his side) just to knock them down horribly when they leave. Truly the coldest odious filled people on the planet. Of all her dirty looks and the way I'd love to tell her, I can hear her talking about me when I'm in the other room.(and I'm pretty sure my other SIL can too) And I don't mind hearing you talk about my other SIL because I know it's all more of your LIES! A SIL is its horrible two small clone faces, dear to bash (woman of Mr.Two faced). And I never had to spend any vacation or any free time with MY family, and I was told that I would even like to see them or have coffee with them. I love my husband, but if we had no children, I would have gone a long time ago. Our children hate to go there and have a strong dislike for ALL of them and that makes me so sad for them, because they really are GREAT children. None of them could say or do could never remove all the years of pain and pain that have inflicted on me and my children. I can't tell how many times I've gotten into a terrible depression about these people and how many times I've cried to sleep over their horrible cruelties. The worst thing is, they have minimized my self-esteem, although ALL people are the worst nightmare. I'm the one who still has to deal with all the pain. (G) I can honestly say that I have never been disrespectful or malicious back to these evil people.How I would love to tell you to never call here or anything again. If I never saw them again, I would lead a happy life. Swati on October 9, 2010: well I feel that no one is really bad and no one wants to hurt anyone. A person becomes what he experiences in life. Seriously oberving the above situations I feel people expect a lot from other then themselves(A husband gets angry off between wife and mother)mother in laws feel my daughter in law should Comport the way she want which a wife cannot accept i feel even an animal cannot enjoy kept in cage so we are human being, trully relation ship grow with space a daughter in law is not a child who does not unserstand her reponible she will love you regard A husband who is manipulated by his parents is a coward, and in my opinion is a case without hope and not able to protect his wife and family, and his wife will live forever a miserable humiliating life. Avoid this kind of man and don't trust him to change them. Life is short and you deserve to live in happiness and dignity. We all make bad decisions, learn from your faults and move one! Leave the pinch, don't be afraid to start a happy new peaceful life. For all desperate women: You still have the rest of your life, do something with her! FlJossie on October 04, 2010: I have been a DIL for 24 years and I don't like my inlaws. Now I'm starting to have DILs and I have a new perspective. For many years I thought I could change what I don't like about my inlaws. They speak of racist thoughts in front of the children and the American perch their own son. They mislead their children in the law and openly treat some in laws other than others. For example, three inaw children receive $100 and I receive $25. It's embarrassing to open up and make everyone see it. But now my DIL wants me to be different from who I am. I'm far from perfect, but closer than normal families seem to be. (what is normal). My DIL wants me to clean up more and even help me do it. But I can't measure or say the right things. I think when I was younger I did the same thing. I looked at my MIL problem behavior, but I didn't see mine. If my inlaws had done something my own family did, I would probably have criticized my inlaws because they were not MY family. Like, I can say things about my family, but nobody else should. :). Now I know my in-laws like me. I don't like them yet. I've learned to be polite. Our relationship is not genuine but I care because they are the parents of the man I love, both for good and for evil. And there's something good. Probably a lot more than I notice. Meanwhile my DIL says I'm fake with her. I'd rather be honest. Sometimes I just want to point out to her how many people go through the bad mouth and hurt. But how would that honesty help? People call their names on their faces and have no idea why. I have an idea why, but how would you help if I told you? Initially I loved her because my son loves her and I decided that love is a word of action and I could decide to love her. After some time I really enjoyed your company. I appreciate your efforts to stay in touch with me. I loved your care and similarity while I do not like your way of judging good and evil for other people. I tried to keep my thoughts negative for myself, but I haven't always done it. Once he called my son a curse word, I asked him not to do that in front of me. Probably not a good idea. I don't know when I should be genuine, even if negative, against being false so I don't stick the boat. She won't talk to me now and that's okay with me if that's what makes her comfortable. My relationship with my son is suffering, but it's not his fault. I think it's an extremely complex relationship between the inlaws. Solution: I guess it's as unique as individuals in relationships. I'm trying not to take good feelings from my husband about your family, however imperfect they are. And I hope one day my DIL will accept me with my flaws. In the meantime, I will do my best to improve. Kittkatt34 on October 04, 2010:Also, I would like to add that when the MIL was taking care of our daughter, she would never say go to Mom or her mom, she would never mention Mom. If it were me and my husband who would pick it up, I would never give it to me. Her was a time when I walked to pick her up, and she grabbed her quick before she could get there, she held her for a few minutes, then handed her over to my husband. That happened sometimes, which caused some difficult feelings. I often wonder if it's something I've said or done to make them feel the way they do, IDK. After reading the comments here, I really don't know what to think, that maybe I'd better get unnoticed and unknown. I don't even have their numbers on my phone, they don't care about mine. At least I don't care about the drama. That's a given I'm going to challenge. Here. Kittkatt34 on October 04, 2010: Well, I wouldn't say my IL is bad with me. Don't get into my husband's business or start discussing things of that nature. They just treat me like a outlaw. As for the ex. When my husband and I just bought a house, his father went on and how my husband loved me so much, that not only he got with me and did that for me, but also took my other two children and did it for them, that not many men would do that... you say what? Then her mother had to invent what a good man was, and that was fine, but it was the way she did it. His body language said everything when he turned around very quickly and then said it out loud, then he muted something under his breath. That's when I felt like I didn't deserve it. I felt that we both worked to reunite our house, not just him, although I know he's the bread winner, but still. We can't even get around her mother without her saying "quit that" likes her being too jealous, then sometimes she'll grab her arm and just walk away with him as if she had something important to say. As for putting them, thank God no! We've been in our new house for 4 months, and not 1 time they've visited since we moved in. If you want to see your son, you invite him, but not me. They helped us move, and I had a new gold string with a MoM pendant that my children gave me for the day of the mothers that were lost, my MIL was the last one that looked at him, when I came back to get him the next day, he left, I asked him where he was, but she said he gave it to me, all I could do is argue again in a nice way, you didn't. My husband can't accept the fact that she stole it. I've looked, and there's nowhere to find me, ever since, I've been ignored. That proves his guilt right outside the bat! I don't expect my husband to get in the middle, but if my mother stole something, I'd ask at least. Some of my husbands are friends of their ex-wife on facebook, but they haven't even sent me an invitation... except for their 1st sister and aunt. His ex-wife even sent him a friend who invited him 3 times, never accepted him because he can't stand it, but then I find messages in his Yahoo mail where they had spoken, then tried to lie about it. The last and only time his sister and BIL came to see a football match, he acted like a complete idiot to me because he was so intense about how the nest would end because of the crude his actions, he did. When she started to stand in front of her family, I jumped her arm, and grabbed me around my neck and started drowning, they didn't even try to help, they left. I bet if I had him on the floor drowning him, they wouldn't have gone. Then he had the nerve to lie to my 15-year-old daughter that rerasoned her was a cause I hit her in the face. Unbelievable! Today he told her everything when my husband went to pick up our daughter, he didn't come back with her, then he went back because his family invited him back. About a hr later, my other daughter was torn apart because she wanted to spend some time with our daughter before she had to be home. So I tried three times to call my husband to tell him that he wanted to come and find Anna, well he said quickly, I'll bring her, I said I can't come and find her, then he said no, I can bring her. I got angry and said, if I can't come get my shild, then my son won't come back, don't worry I'm not going out of the car, don't. He hung up, and he forwarded my calls acting like an idiot. As long as he's around his family, that feeling they have about me obviously wears on him. As if I had to please them when they were around. I'd care less if I saw them again to be honest, and the next time your father says. I love you, girl, your one of us, I'm gona cough, and di bullshhhh. Even her mother had the courage to say right after she knew she wasn't in her circle... well, I really don't want to be. I don't mind not being included, but when I'm not around you, you know what you say, and I don't like silence... I told my husband and the next time he comes to my house, I'm going to follow all the moves. Bring her like the thief she is. Maybe that's why he's not back. Anyway, your weird ones. Even so with some of their own families. Sometimes I tell my husband to suck a titty baby. INLAWS... UGHHHH!!!! CRAZY!!!! September 14, 2010: I must say that it is not my FIL or MIL the two I have (the divorced parents spouses) but my right brother and sister in law. My husbands brother is an arrognant ass self-centered and everyone in this family kisses his ass (but I), to make things worse his wife, has to be the great drama ball of history!!!! She invents lies about people and then throws them in your face. Even then she has the LOL balls to come to your house and tell you that she knows what you said about her. We live 5 minutes from them and my husband that I love dearly does not seem to tell them to stay away!! I hate living where we do it, I hate saying when you marry your husband, marry his family. It's not why I signed. I'd love for everyone to leave us alone and be. I'm my husband and our three children. EMG on September 05, 2010: Well, well, I'm going to join the conversation. I'm deaf and my husband is hard to hear. He was forbidden to learn sign language until he met a friend and began to engage in deaf culture. I met him when I was 18 and I was 16. I handled 60 miles in a way and 60 miles back every weekend to see it. I didn't even have a driver's license because his mother forbade him like that when I was 21 I took him to the test place in secret and he passed. His mother was out. Age 22. She tried to punish him because he didn't make dishes and I took him to the mall and we had a good time. She said when she got home, "Whoever you fire me!" I got up and said, "Go! He's an adult, who in his right mind holds a 22-year-old adult! Stoped! " Of course you hate me:) Your three sisters disgust me, too. I graduated with BFA, married a child after marriage. We've been married soon for three years and we've been together for 14 years so I know your family well enough to know they're manipulating and pathological liars. Here I am sitting here with my husband next to me... we are sharing a facebook account together and my MIL / 2 SIL are in our case to share an account. He complained they couldn't get it and I laughed saying that he was totally full of BS because they could call him and they never did. Why now? hahaha My FIL is totally on our side, He tells me he has more respect for me than his own daughters. They have children - not married, deeply indebted. They borrowed so much money from parents and my husband never did. We don't owe money to this day because we never ask for anything. Anyway. My FIL told me he's embarrassed and embarrassed by his behavior and recommended that I ignore them and throw them out of my life. He talked to my husband on a separate phone to make sure he understood how he could affect us in the future. SOLUTION:::: Leave them! That's the only thing BECAUSE when you're affected by his anger and shit, can affect your kids. The cycle will end in progress and on. You're the only one who can break the cycle and protect yourself and your children. Who cares if they are grandma or grandpa to their child, they must have the common sense DO NOT act as spoiled snots and turn around doing things like that. This also applies to you and your friends, you and your own blood family, etc. I've already decided from this last August 7th that I'm no longer going to be part of my family because of a few cousins who are the biggest babies I've ever seen. They treated my mother like that when she was a teenager and now she's doing it on me and I didn't do anything so I realized that the cycle should be broken. You must... I have so many stories for ALL and I honestly feel lonely and stressed, but I am seeing a light. I feel so much better. Fortunately my husband saw what they're doing and he's not gonna tolerate his shit anymore They're upset with him because he's who he is. He said, "I've grown up and I'm going to get up myself. What a shame"Our baby's birthday comes and we're not inviting the MIL or the SILs we're just inviting those who care and don't give us shit. My FIL said, "It's your baby's birthday that won't remember them at that age, but he'll remember you crying and bothering you so you protect him as much as you can." I agree with him. You guys aren't alone. I tried to talk to them, I wrote emails in case they didn't listen, I spoke by phone with interpreter (relay) Nothing works. This is the only best way. My cousin in Colorado told me this is a very good statement: "Everyone is crazy in their unique way, you might be crazy about dating someone who treats you wrong but you can go crazy and become a real disease that can kill you if you keep hanging or have to go out with people who treat you badly. To stay healthy, stay away from them like me with people who bother me, I avoid them. "She knows what she's talking about because her own father went crazy (it doesn't work in the family) all because his own family won't talk to him, he won't involve him, and so on. He just lost it. The best advice: RUN !!! Don't look back. Protect yourself and your son! Whoever pays the bills for you (your boss, yourself) only matters. Those people don't manage your life but YOU. Beware :)Siobhan on August 12, 2010: Well, I have a somewhat interesting problem. My under-laws (mother and father in the law) are not so bad. My husband's father will put his two cents where he doesn't belong, and his mother may be little oblique at times, but everything in everything they're okay. But, when we go home 2.5 hours away from ours, my husband becomes a door mat. Doing all around the house and if he's not doing anything we're sitting around. Well, that's until Brother IDIOT comes with his wife (I don't like it) and there baby twin children (with whom I never came to play because my sister in the law is hugging or my under-laws are hanging on to grandchildren). I'd care about all this, my brother-in-law, and his wife didn't live about fifteen minutes from her father and mother in the law. That situation is not what bothers me. What gives me the most is that older brother IDIOT and his wife caught me! It's almost like every time my husband and I go to see their IDIOT parents need to come. And, it's almost like nothing happened if IDIOT wasn't there. I almost like the library as the atmosphere without the idiot but not my MIL has to call BIL and his wife with his children and suddenly becomes BIL and his wife and children show. We've only had a weekend off of the BIL and his wife and children and it was the best thing a husband of mine has ever had (I say I and my husband because my husband knows that his brother is a damn IDIOT!) Besides, I have a bad asthma and of course these people smoke and of course my husband insists on staying with his parents. Recently, although I told him I can't go and stay with the ILS because of the smoke (oh and by the way my MIL finally discovered that smoking through the house window was not going to work in a smoke-infested house...see oblivious). He said we can start staying at a hotel. Well, that didn't last long now he wants to go there and stay with them because we don't have the money to stay in a hotel. Well, now I think I'm more crazy than ever. I just want my husband to stop acting unpublishedly think responsibly about saving money before time and staying at a hotel. But no, now it's made cuz he thinks I want to keep him from seeing his family. I don't want to be smoked for a whole weekend. I guess I can get over the BIL and his wife, but not the smoke. I just wish my husband could see that $65 every few months for a hotel is all I ask in this situationRosanna on August 07, 2010: I gave up a lot to marry my husband. I moved 3000 miles from my whole family and everything I've known in my 22-year-old life. I moved into his home state so he could follow his career as a nurse. I thought he was strong enough, but boy was wrong. I met his family a few months before we got engaged and those first impressions in those two weeks were not pretty. I met his father that I like, he's the cook, clean, make the clothes, go to work. Your mother is not my cup of tea, she's in school or doing work, either, or, but she has some kind of health problems and has depression. So he spends his time in his night dress hidden in his room all day and stays awake all night. They have a 30-year-old daughter who lives with them (fail) who is greedy, has money problems, and cannot grow (loving-a-bear). Then they had a "woops" child who is 10 years younger than my husband and that poor boy is pacified by video games and a computer. He doesn't even have a pet for crying out loud. He spends his time hiding from the world and I asked him why he doesn't have friends, I mean that I saw that there were kids about his age playing bball on the street and no one has an answer. I don't know anybody out here so my choices are fine with your family or being alone because you're going to go there without me. I don't feel good at the parents' house, I don't feel love there. The house is cold, dark (the windows are always covered) dark blue paint on the walls, and the house is a dirty and messy mess. There's been times when I've been in a few minutes and I had to go. I was gonna walk around the neighborhood and once I started walking home. They love to shout especially the young man who got bored of his mind and needs attention. They're being better at controlling that because they're windy than, that's an important reason I'm not going. The ironic thing is that when I met everyone I wasn't clicking with anyone and I was trying to believe me, I was living in his house sharing a bed with the 30-year-old daughter for two weeks. Then I met the brother and his family who didn't get along with the family and didn't talk terms for a couple of years. I was preparing myself for the same answer I had with the rest, however, meeting them and having dinner at their house for one night was the highlight of meeting the suegros. What does that mean? I get along with the brother and his family who don't get along with the rest of the family... It's not a big start. It's been a year since I moved to this place and I can't wait to leave. I can't even handle the state with all its features and I'm surrounded by your family. Her parents are 15 minutes away, her sister and her family are in our same apartment community! and the brother I like lived 30 minutes away. All this makes me feel terrible what is the worst because I don't get along with them, I don't enjoy being in their company. They are who they are and I am who I am. That's nature. I didn't ask that I didn't like my undersigns, I was looking for a bond and that's not there. I think we have to be a support group of some kind where people can weigh and seek advice on this matter I know that I could benefit from it. because there's no "a size fits everyone." Each individual has a specific scenario. If anyone knows anything like that, let me know. Nashville's jennifer miller on August 05, 2010: God knew why he said a man should leave his parents' house and tie his wife. Your priorities change when you get married, if one of you is disrespectful with your spouse, you leave with your wife or husband. you can love your family and not associate with them if they are disrespectful with your husband or wife. Go where it is celebrated and not tolerated. Jimi Shadow on August 01, 2010: I know that this will be found as a very generalized statement, but from my many personal observations and experience the crux of most family and self-contained problems tend to derive from females, some of which seem to be unable to thrive unless they are being sluts, personal, two-sided, comparing with others and hoping that everything will go in their way, and tend to cause a big apest. Granted, men are not angels, but any struggle and fall in the family is usually solved at no time, while a woman will have a grudge for an eternity, a pout, play in her deep petty insecurities and expect men to support them, even when they are totally wrong. In a world of equality, in which it seems difficult to refer to a woman as the "experiment of sexual relations", the women of the previous category do not do any favor.Carrie on July 12, 2010: I do not like my laws. My mother in law is the only one I can bear. I think this article is not useful. Why would I do garden works for people I don't like? That doesn't make sense to me. I've been trying to get along with them. I left my way to assist every family function they had. They live 5 minutes away so I felt obliged to attend. I finally got tired of it and stopped going all the time. Of course they called me disrespectful because I didn't show up. It makes me crazy. So we don't do things in my family. I'm an adult who's not 15 years old. I'm not your son either. I'm no longer interested in trying to get along with people who don't respect me. Gina on July 12, 2010:Hello I know how you feel, my inlaws drive me crazy, they just come to visit when they need something or when they're on their way elsewhere. I've been with my partner for six years and I still don't feel like I know them. Every time they visit it's like the first time, they just want to know about money, computers, phones and that's all. Every time I mention something significant, anything that has to do with feeling or emotion, the problems they talk are cut in favor of talking about computers, phones or something meaningless. They often say cutting remarks, look at me up and down, say heartless things about my pets and snub gifts that buy them. My partner acts like a 13-year-old boy when he's around, he never hits me, and he doesn't seem to be able to see him. I'm very close to my family and this is totally alien to me. I think there's something like that because I've said openly that I don't want kids that are dumb because neither is my partner. It's stressing me so much that when I see them I always end up sick.I'm sorry on July 6, 2010: My boredom is that I speak the same laguage. I live with them most of the time I feel bad and incomftable why. Sometimes he wakes me up to cook for him, and his grandmother is there. He only liked a daugther in-law his wife children slept a lot with her and 2 of them divorced one of them also used to stay with them :( .i dnt knw. I love my husband but he's too close to his family im afriad he lies down even seeing the mistakes once I told him how I feel he clung to believe that he told me that maybe I'm sick that he'll bring to the hospital was omitted that maybe I have (scitsphreni) he said that his only one sees me as a daugther I do what his grandmother is manipulating women She speaks and asks her many questions. If I make food to my countries and likes, he will ask why he likes it and why he slept like his own food. When I got there he told him not to buy his expensive bus ticket for me. Sometimes she ignores me saying I'm like showing her thought and she ignores me. I don't know what to do, but it's not just joke like your brother asks you to drive and then while he goes as if he took a bus becouse that comes with him 2.i dnt knw that maybe misses me but after thinking a lot that I go up to take care of me you shouldn't like to watch tv or suffer on the net and hang with your friends or sleep that you can relax with me. Anything that sees how the idea becomes. Jimi Shadow on June 30, 2010: My wife is the baby of a six-year-old family and since I met her almost thirty-two years ago, when she was eighteen and I was twenty, they have made me feel that I will never be so good for her parents and over-protective family. I consider myself a kind and respectable kind of guy who tries to get along with most people I know, although I accept you earning something you lose. My only sin is to have a catalogue of health problems that have prevented me from keeping a job at the best part of our marriage. Because of this our roles have been reversed - my wife went out to work and stayed home to raise the children and do the domestic work. But in the eyes of my mother-in-law, they see me as a total failure and their contempt for me is evident in their swollen faces when we have a family gathering. They say they're Catholics but they've never shown me compassion or friendship over the years. Other family members do not work through any other lack of admitting to be lazy, but because they are blood that are excused and treated with equal respect. Blood thicker than water, etc. Over the years, my wife's family, which is quite large, has had a fair share of problems, faults and failures, including some attributed to my wife, and some to be despicable to mention, yet they continue to brush all this under the carpet while their attitude towards me remains the same and grows increasingly despicable. Despite how you are with me, I have done my best to be polite, kind and respectable with them. I recently had too much to drink in one of these family seminars. Someone in my wife's family hit me for something and nothing, and for the first time I blew up both barrels and gave them a piece of my mind, all of them turned in my direction and gave them the same head then high came out of the place with my wife and now the adult children in trailer and with all support. Enough is enough, and I've promised to never get closer. Up! June 28, 2010: I agree with everyone here! I don't care about my laws either. The family is a giant nest of drama! Every time I turn around there's something going on. So he's mad at that. My MIL is central gossip. She puts me under the microscope and keeps me at a level of standards that is nothing less than perfection. Very unattainable, to say the least! Meanwhile, she makes excuses for her children (my husband " SIL), and her husband. My FIL is an alcoholic who ran around him, my SIL blames everyone else for the shortcomings of his life. Nothing is ever his fault. He has BPD (in my opinion). He also has an addiction to painkillers. I had more sex couples than I got my fingers and fingers. It's in some form of crisis. My MIL is intrusive, intrusive, backs, gossip, fake, try to take ALL! It has to be done in its own way. My husband was a mom's boy when we met... then that changed after her problem to painkillers, because she stopped talking to her daily to hide her addiction. He got a eyelid on how his mother behaved. He heard the nasty things he would say about him and then smiled all in his face like the person he was facing. My FIL thinks (in 53) that he is God's gift for women, even if he is a paddle, bald, wants to be a bike rider. Take Harley Davidson to another level. They're obsessed with my eldest son and they're neglecting my younger son. My SIL has a child, but she's going to do herself every day to realize that her son is abandoned. I've had so many wrinkles with my MIL for the fact that you can't import your own business! She and my FIL used to call themselves mom and dad my older son. And when I called them, they said he took them when they had my husband! My MIL used to open our mail and tell us about it! They would buy clothes and toys that had to stay in their house, my MIL set up a nursery for my older complete with extra bed, crib, blankets that she took from my house without permission (when she was not there), bottles, diaper rash cream, wipes, formula, baby food and the list could continue and continue. She would talk about me with her coworkers, friends, family, etc. My SIL is so vicious! My FIL's gonna make fun of shitty comments! I've thought of leaving my husband alone to get rid of them! My MIL calls me at work or in my cell... I don't answer or make excuses to get out of the phone. She and my FIL show a blatant favoritism to my eldest. They invite my elder to stay (he is 8 years old) but my youngest (three years old) cannot go because they are not as young as they used to be according to them and cannot go with him. I recently got into a big argument with them about and laid the law! If they couldn't take both of them then they were taking NONE! It matters even more...all (MIL, FIL, SIL, husband's aunt) live at a distance screaming from us! Talk about a great happy family! I married this family 9 years ago and it's been hard to say the least. Oh and they profess to be devout Christians in that!!! This will last but here goes My story begins in 2002. I started dating my husband. They hated me from the beginning, and my husband is a big mom's boy so that doesn't help. I got pregnant from the marriage. There's a solution that gets me out of the picture as quickly as possible. In fact, tell my son's father now husband not to mention us (me or the baby) to anyone to be a secret that would just hope to fade well that it didn't work that we would return together that it was almost 8 years ago. The thing has changed for me and him, but things haven't changed much at the end of the family yet hate me. They tolerate me for their good, but I know they hate me. There are always the comments of the cold shoulders and silence when I am around the only time the changes are when the DH is in the room so that your mom doesn't make it look bad even though back to THanksgiving my FIL made aside to tell her that she wasn't to look like a wife or mother. I don't know how to handle it anymore. My husband and I have entered therapy. I won't give up my marriage. I won't let him win. Hummelsexual on June 13, 2010: Who says the spouse has to visit his/her parents every time? After all, they're your spouse's parents, not yours. And if the relationship is tense on both sides, then everyone could be happier with this arrangement. I usually don't visit my future statutes when my SO does. They're polite enough to say they missed me, but I know, the truth is said, they were happier to have their son for themselves. In the words of Khalil Gibran, there are spaces in our union. Unfortunately, like you, the problem of the law makes me question my relationship with my SO. He's anxious to get married in the year, but I'm afraid of taking that step. I know that once I commit, I'm stuck with them. it was fixed on May 26, 2010: My mother in the law is a nervous disaster and is also a retard, stupid, controlling, piece of shit for a human. My father in the law is his little parrot on a rope. He doesn't have a spine and does what his wife says. It's very nasty. My wife and I have been married for 15 years and we have reached the point where we want nothing to do with her anymore. She's also embarrassed and a 2-sided liar, always putting on a false demeanour around the non-family only to return to her pig being when we're only around. Sandy on May 24, 2010: I would divorce any man who would allow me to be abused by his parents. I spent it once, but never again, there are horrible people out there who feel happy to make your miserable life. Life is short, usually these people live in a mature old age so don't expect them to pass it won't happen soon. They've had a happy life causing your unhappiness. They are usually lazy, good for nothing people who have other handcuffed people, relatives will interrupt their utterly different laziness and feel sorry for them for being poor. Mrs. RK on May 10, 2010: I have a MIL of Hell, which has progressively become the family of hell. I'm at the point where I'm ready to go after less than 6 meters of marriage. I do not agree with MILWHOSTDUP comment that DIL is also the problem, but I agree with your comment that the husband would not be manipulated if he did not want to. I'm at that time with my husband, for years I tried to express how I felt that his parents treated me, giving him the opportunity to intervene without a big blow between them and me, but he didn't sit down and let him intensify to the point where I had a big blow, he told my MIL in the face that it was a "burning bitch" and he hit my face. All that could have been avoided if my husband had the courage to really say what he thought, even if he disagreed with me. I think the root cause of the bad MIL is often mosre to do with husbands who don't have the balls to solve the situation before it gets too out of control. Allison on April 20, 2010:Dear observer,Do you have any solution to these problems? I'm sure we'd all appreciate it! Observer on 20 April 2010: I read up and it seems that everyone has problems in the laws. No one seems to have a solution to problems. Nancy on April 19, 2010:My parents have always felt that my husband should visit at least 3-4 times a week. This happened for years, and all the time they treated me as a stranger, the stranger who produced the grandchildren. After my FIL died, my MIL asked if he could live with us, and he did, but he felt that we didn't pay enough attention and got sick, so he called his daughters and they pulled her out. At that time things got bad and there were a lot of fingers pointing and calling in the name. We had borrowed money from our MIL to a high intrusion rate, but they accused us of taking the money. We paid the loan on time with $7000 intrest and decided to wash the hands of the whole family. Now my MIL calls and asks my husband and children to visit, but he has told us he hates me. Now I am the scapegoat for all the problems that have happened, I think because of the fact that I speak and say what is happening instead of trying to pretend. She hurt my husband and I said that, but she wants me to "run him." We were surprised to know that my SIL had 'heard' something told of her by my husband 4 YEARS AGO and she still had a grudge. I don't think these people let their bad feelings and thoughts go. They drag the problems that are 20 years ago and still get angry. It's time we let them go and live a much happier life without them. Their kind of hatred and bad feelings can cause cancer in people. I hope they live long and hateful lives far from us. Allison on April 17, 2010: HELP! My MIL and FIL are upset. The problem is they're too overreacted. They treat me like a child: calling me "baby" and "kid" and "baby girl"!!!! It's annoying! I have a name, it's Allison, and I don't have five! Whenever I come to his house they want to act like my best friend. I'm worried that when my husband and I have children, they'll be overshadowed with them too. I know you should see your grandchildren, but I'm very worried that you're going to teach my children bad habits: inappropriate English grammar, excessive beer drink, and I mentioned unsuccessful English! They condemn us as "let's go..." and "you were in..." and say "calpit and tortilla" instead of washing and retrieving... I don't want my kids to pick up those grammar habits. I also completely dislike my MILs cleaning habits (she has nothing) and her kitchen disgusts me out! I'm also concerned that once our new house is built that the laws will be constantly over... And I was afraid my FIL would paint the walls in our house! I've seen his painting skills and he loses stains like crazy! I'm going back to them being overloaded. They call me and text me all the time... and when I was out in college, they'd say they'd call and come visit me... of course it's not convenient for a woman who's in nursing school! They drove at random 50 miles to come visit me sometimes during my first year. It was soooo aggravating because it had nursing duties to work on and so I couldn't even pretend to enjoy dinner ... (they are so frustrating!) are also very tacososos. My MIL wanted to buy the center for our wedding, but they were so nuts! They were white plastic swans and were cheap! The theme of our reception was not swans, it was a class country (not swans!) I also wanted to be everywhere in my planning process... something else bothers. I know it would have been easier to assign your specific tasks, but it was easier to do it myself so I didn't have to deal with it. They call so much and I deliberately avoid their calls only cas are so annoying that even their voices make me crazy! I wish I could express my opinion on being so strange, but I love my husband very much and I don't want to ruin our relationship. If someone has advice on how to deal with it (I'm not going to try to get along with them because their tactical ways and inadequate grammar are pet mere. It highlights me when I have to be around you... even the thought of having to go home makes me feel out too...) Please help if someone has advice! Thank you! Kiity on April 11, 2010: I like this article. Recipients may be difficult to treat for several reasons. My way is if you don't try to hurt your feelings or distrust your relationship then shut up and keep busy if it's a short-term problem, if your long-term problem takes time to express your concern. If they're not harming your relationship genuinly or they'll listen. If they're idiots because they're rude and insensitive, then talk to your husband or wife about the situation. But don't be a child about it. Be reasonable, take two to tango. And most important of all, don't invest your children in the matter. If your parents say something or do something in front of your children that you don't approve, take your in-laws and tell them not to let them see the child. I know it's hard, but that's life. Teach your children of evil, but do not hide them from what you think is wrong. I don't have any children yet, but my in-laws are number one to make my husband feel stupid. I'm telling you, after that it wasn't nice of them to say something like that, and it's not true. I hope you do the same with my children, I will ask you to be careful, but I will also congratulate you on something that you do well (I hope there is something) Lord. Q. on March 10, 2010: Well, my husband and I have been married for 4 years and together for 9. and my problem with my IL is a little different then what I have been reading. My MIL seems to treat my husband different from what he treats his other children, so it's easy for the whole family to treat him like he's a parent (that none of the families like him) Well, here recently, my SIL left talking behind me and my husbands back to his brother and sister in the law, so the bad shit turned us back and I lost it. His brother sent us a flying text that he cured us about our children and how his mother looks at them and not to mention that his brother lives in that. Cal we live in no. How do you know all this? Yes, your sister said it. She had been acting strange for a while and this is the result, this is the dry time that our names have been drugged through the muds.... But it seems that because I grew up in the ghetto (but I'm not ghetto) they treated me like it wasn't good enough from the beginning. His mother never warmed up at me and always made me uncomfortable for my maternity skills and always told my husband things I needed to do without even talking to me. All his brothers and his sister talk so bad about him as if they didn't even like him and finally his boring got angry enough based on his sister talking shit to say something. Being that frank person I dragged (I did) but for almost 10 years they have treated me and him sometimes as our marriage was a joke and they didn't have to respect it. So basically I told my BIL out and my SIL and now the MIL doesn't talk to us or the kids either (I told them they'd never see my children again) I was pissed because I don't like being put in the middle of things that I don't have control over and I'm very protective about my kids especially with them because they love to judge and talk about ppl. However, I'm not sure if I should be away or if I go around the family that the whole family knows about the misunderstandings that are happening... I really don't know what to do now I'm lost and I feel like no matter what I do they'll still sit down and talk shit. If I leave alone and stay alone... It's possible, since they always meet and all that... what to do? In a box on 13 February 2010: I have been married since 1991. My husband turned me away from my family as soon as we were married. He only involved his family in our lives and forced me to participate in their lives. I could only visit my family once a year (if I was lucky). I sacrificed my career so I could follow his career (he is a doctor and I have a legal degree). We've moved 18 times in 18 years. His mother is a great manipulator and liar. She doesn't care about any of her daughter-in-law... none of us is good enough for her children (who area all "good" providers... but very poor partners/husbands/parents/friends). She never let her children have relationships with friends... or girls growing up... even at college she controlled everything... insisting that they studied and worked to succeed (so that she had the money she wanted... and the children to provide him with... because her husband was a blue neck worker... and not the dr or lawyer she deserved to marry). Children "fear" their father... and have a very unhealthy and abnormal idea of what love and respect really are. My mother-in-law lied about me... things stolen from me... manipulated her son... manipulated my... manipulated his grandchildren... pushed me... called me names... I've suffered almost 20 years of your abuse and my husband thinks I'm the problem. Well, I find it hard to believe that my two sister-in-law suffer like me... I'm in my wit... I'm ready for a divorce and I don't want to get married anymore. I love my husband but I'm no longer in love with him for the abuse I've suffered. I'm just a cook, bus driver, housewife, accountant, errand girl... I do everything for my husband... including his secretary needs because his secretary is not smart enough... or he's too lazy and can count on me to do a good job. I have no life or friends. I'm tired of moving in, and I'm always hearing him complain about work... He calls me names. He tells me I'm never worth anything and he asks me why he married me. I've been looking for a job, but I can't find a job... I'm almost 50 years old (it seems to be 36) but my skills are waking up because I haven't worked in a few years out of the house. I am smarter than most people I know (AS, BS, MLIS, JD...etc)... but I have no self-esteem. I just want to go home where my family lives and leave this man. You all suffer with the MIL of Hell. Go as soon as you can... don't suffer for 20 years as if I had feelings of grief for your husband... He has a choice... and he chooses his mother... You need to choose your life instead of ending up like me and not having a life! Good luck! melaniekaras on January 24, 2010: I'm pretty, do you think she's jealous? This is my last resort trying to solve these two bad guys. It really and never meant that they hurt them that I'm married to their son. David comes out with my husband every day. I've never played teritories games, but they do. Trust me. When my husbands are not on the road, he's home for about three months. I still give wings even though I miss him desperately when he's away. Loney too. My body is a genius, RACIST, BRAGART, MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME TYPE by Guy. He offends his wife (MIL) daily. He even beat one of his brothers a long time ago. It can be a dog. Related articles How to respond maturely when someone breaks up with youDear questions to make people8 Plenty of tips from applying fish quotes How to apologize: The Do's and Not to say you are Sorry100+ alternative ways to say "I love you!" Broken confidence: How to Recover Your Partner's TrustNicknames for Boys and Girls Who Are Great, Unique and Fully StunningBaby Boomers Answer "Why Didn't They Marry Me? "Why do Aquarius and Aquarius make a strong romantic match: air dating guide Ten long-term fellowship benefits for fe150+ cute grassroots couples to ask their boyfriendSteps to heal and recover after a break Six Biblical appointments in support of virginsFeelings to Cherish When Old Friends Meet25 Signs Your Man is a Narcissist
I can't stand my husband's family and I'm trying to manipulate him into not
Agony Aunt: I can't stand my husband's family, what to do?
I can't stand my husband's side of the family
I can't stand some of my husband's family members. They're stuck up.
Advise To Wives Who Husband Allow Their Family To Mistreat Their Wife : I Can't Stand My Sister-in-law Sto… | My sister in law, Sister in law stories, My sister
My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me. What Can I Do? | If You're Saying "My Husband Lets His Family Disrespect Me!" Discover What You Can Do | ReGain
My family can't stand me. My husband left me for someone better. My kids are
Agony Aunt: I can't stand my husband's family, what to do?
3 Tips for How to Deal When You Can't Stand Your In-Laws - PairedLife - Relationships
Relationship drama: 'Why I can't stand my husband's family' - 9Honey
I can't stand how inadequate I feel & that my husband doesn't understand postpartum
I Can't Stand My Husband's Family - Strong Marriage Now Help Blog | Strong Marriage Now System | Divorce mediation, Strong marriage, Divorce
Heavy Meddle: Help! My Husband Can't Stand My Parents, And Now It's Affecting Our Marriage | Cognoscenti
I can't stand my husband badmouthing my family ... what should I do? - Coleen Nolan - Daily Record
I can't stand my in-laws. Why do I feel such rage towards them? | Family | The Guardian
Agony Aunt: I can't stand my husband's family, what to do?
When and How to Cut the Ties of Bad Family Relationships - WeHaveKids - Family
3 Ways to Cope when Your Partner Does Not Defend You to Family
Part of me wants to leave my husband because I can't stand his family. It
Husband, boyfriend doesn't matter you should always defend the one you're with...family or not! | Marriage advice quotes, Therapist humor, Wife quotes
I can't stand my husband's grandmother, but she lives with us and I have to
My husband can't stand up for me...I did everything to make him feel how
How to Respond When In-Laws Reject You - SYMBIS Assessment
14 Signs You Have a Toxic Mother-in-Law and How to Deal With Her - WeHaveKids - Family
Ask Naijagal readers: My Husband Wants to Take a Second Wife
I am a victim of emotional abuse ... it felt like my husband had died
I Hate My Wife - 4 Common Reasons Husbands Resent Their Wife
Is Your Marriage Over? 6 Signs You Shouldn't Ignore
5 Reasons Why Adult Children Estrange From Their Parents - WeHaveKids - Family
My Husband's Family Isn't Supportive And It Really Hurts
210 Prayers for my husband! ideas in 2021 | prayers, prayers for my husband, marriage
My husband is obsessed by designer clothes - and I find it a total turn off
A Look at Why Relationships Change After You Have a Baby
Agony Aunt: I can't stand my husband's family, what to do?
Toxic Mother-in-Law: 5 Years Later - WeHaveKids - Family
Dear Richard: 'I can't stand my husband's cooking' | The Bharat Express News
Relationship drama: 'Why I can't stand my husband's family' - 9Honey
My husband is controlling and I can't stand him! | Marriage restoration, Marriage therapist, Communication in marriage
10 Basic Rules for Dealing with In-Laws - FamilyEducation
How Marijuana Addiction Affected My Marriage - WeHaveKids - Family
Posting Komentar untuk "i can't stand my husband's family"